Meeting Men in Real Life: What Happens at a Match “Event?”

blog post on match eventbar scene

I went to a Match.com happy hour a few nights ago. This was not an easy task for a somewhat shy 60-something singleton. I went unaccompanied and anticipated not knowing a soul. I also worried about running into a nosy single, male neighbor who is on the site or perhaps one of the men I used to date. But I put on my big girl panties, actually I put on my Spanx leggings (seriously, these are fabulous), channeled Wonder Woman and all the movie characters who said, “Let’s do this,” and I did.

I’ll tell you the story over a delicious meal of oven-roasted sea bass with ginger and lime sauce.

The event was held in a “rock and roll” themed restaurant/bar music club. Match said attendees would be able to see who had checked in to the happy hour in real time on the event’s mobile site. But I never received the promised link to view the check-ins. So when I arrived, I had no idea who would be there.

The happy hour was billed ($10) as an event for 45-65 year olds. I worried that the women attending would be on the young end of the margin putting me at an immediate disadvantage. I don’t like competitive situations so if fangs were in evidence, I was prepared to duck out.

Like so many life situations (waiting to take a test or waiting for the results of a medical test), one often anticipates the worst possible outcome. Fortunately, things often turn out well – or better than expected. I feared being a “wallflower.” Other than surviving with ego intact, my goal was to be sociable and talk to some men.

When I walked in, the place was packed. I asked a friendly-looking man if this was the Match happy hour. He smiled and pointed to the back of the main room. There, in a sectioned off area, was a Match check-in desk.

As a somewhat shy person (yes, there are somewhat shy versus totally shy people), I had wondered whether there would be any “ice-breaker” activities. Eureka! Each attendee wrote the last place they travelled to on a sticky note and wore it instead of a name badge. So with Aruba scribbled on my tag, I approached the bar to buy some liquid courage.

It was 30 minutes into the event and people were talking in groups of 2, 3, or 4. I wondered if I could easily break into a conversation. There were clearly more women than men. Sadly, none of the men made my heart stop.

As I turned from the bar, I met “Chicago.” He asked me about Aruba and when I had been there. For some reason, I totally blanked (even before the wine) but finally remembered. Chicago and I had journalism in common and we ended up chatting for about 20 minutes. No sparks but a pleasant time.

As he walked away, I smiled at “Caribbean,” a woman about my age standing at the bar. We started talking, comparing dating notes and life stories. After awhile, we both realized we had the beginnings of a possible friendship. She said, “I consider this evening a win-win,” and I agreed.

After a quick trip to the restroom, I returned to find my new friend chatting with a man, “Sydney and Australian cities.” After “Caribbean” left, I stayed a few minutes to chat with “Sydney.” Again, I felt no chemistry with this man, but we had a nice talk.

It was about 9 pm at this point and only a few attendees remained. I left with an overall positive feeling about the evening.

Summary: About 25 to 30 people showed up versus the promised 70. Most were in the middle or upper end of the predetermined age range so my fears of being the oldest woman there were unfounded. A day later, Match sent a recap showing profile snapshots and photos of all of the people who RSVP’d. You could filter the list to see who had attended – a great idea if you were too shy to approach someone or just didn’t get a chance to connect.

According to the recap, 60 people RSVP’d (not sure what happened to the other 10) and 19 checked in. My guess is a few more just bypassed the check in desk – or I need help with my counting skills.

Everyone seemed friendly. Just like with the Meetups I have attended, people are there to connect so you have a better chance of getting a welcoming reception if you approach someone than you would in a random situation.

There’s no way to know if you’ll meet the man of your dreams at an event like this…but you might have a nice social time, find someone to go out with, or meet a new gal friend. All are win-wins!

And it’s lovely to have a break from scanning the online sites and swiping left or right. I plan on going to another event – perhaps an activity-based one.

Have you been to a dating site event? Let me know what happened.

If you liked this post or any past ones, subscribe so you don’t miss future episodes of this crazy dating life.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating!

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

 

 

Dating and Friendships: Compare and Contrast

elephant-1046785_640

If you’re divorced or widowed and looking to expand your social life, you may find yourself simultaneously dating and seeking new friends. It struck me recently that there are some interesting similarities and differences between these two activities.

Let’s compare and contrast dating and friendships. Some friendship bread is in order. Note: We’re ignoring healthy during the holidays.

Compare and Contrast  

  • Finding Friends and Dates: Although friends can be found online (see http://bit.ly/1kEYQc0), it is much more common to meet friends in the wild – through other friends, Meetups, work, activities. It is harder to meet men in the wild. I have no problem talking to a female stranger at the gym, in the grocery store line, even a parking lot. But starting up a conversation with a male stranger I’m attracted to requires more balls than I usually have. And none of my women friends know any single men I could date (insert sad face). Rating: Different
  • Meeting/Connecting: Pheromones aside, connecting with a new friend and a new date can each bring a rush. It’s great to connect with someone who has compatible energies, interests, and philosophies. Rating: Similar
  • Sharing Innermost Thoughts: Hands down, getting to know a woman friend is easier and faster because she will usually share important and confidential life stories right away. A four-minute chat with a friend in a rest room can reveal more substance than what you would typically get from a man you have been dating for four months. Rating: Different
  • Presence of Conversational Narcissism (See http://bit.ly/1USqC10): Both women and men can be self absorbed in their conversations. It’s annoying whether you’re dating someone or trying out a new friend. I’ve met some wonderful listeners (both men and women) but I have also encountered a fair number of self-focused folks. Rating: More Similar than Different
  • Meeting Family and Friends: This may happen pretty quickly with a friend. It’s another story with a date. You can’t introduce a “match” to friends or family too early in the game. Meeting the family is a big deal when you’re dating someone. It’s less of a biggie to introduce a date to friends but could be awkward if you’re bringing over a new guy every few weeks. Rating: Different
  • Taking Care of You: If you need a referral to a medical specialist, a ride to the doctor, a home cooked meal that you don’t have to make, or reassurance about a personal problem, chances are you are going to get the best support from a good female friend. Not that men can’t help with all these things but women friends seem to instinctively know how to best take care of you. Just saying. Rating: Mostly different
  • Ghosting: Both women friends (new and long-standing) and men you are dating can ghost you (disappear suddenly without explanation). I think it is more commonly a dating than a friend issue since – sweeping generalization here — women like to talk things out. Rating: Primarily different
  • Texting: When you text a friend, you don’t have to worry about timing the way you do with a date. You’re just not thinking, “Will she wonder if I am too available and don’t have a life?”   Rating: Different
  • Sexting: Not an issue unless you’re bi. Rating: Irrelevant
  • Catfishing: Not an issue unless you’re lucky enough to have befriended a criminal. Rating: Mostly Irrelevant
  • Revoking (cancelling a first meeting — see http://bit.ly/1mhoG6G ). It would be rare for a new friend to cancel a first meeting but it happens in the online dating world. Rating: Different
  • Acceptance of Compliments: It’s pretty easy to accept a compliment from a man you’re dating. If he tells you, “You look hot,” you’re going to smile and bat your lashes. You’re not going to say, “I’m fatter than I should be and it took me 15 minutes to get into my Spanx.” In contrast, it’s hard for many women to accept a compliment from a woman friend. Watch Amy Schumer’s brilliant skit on this topic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzlvDV3mpZw  Rating: Different.

I’d love to hear what you think about this. Write!

Until next week, happy dating or not dating!

XXXOOO

Nadia