A Case of Mistaken Identity

Dating Profile Mistaken Identity

A funny thing happened on the way to meeting Mr. Possible Right.  I unintentionally crushed on someone else in Mr. Possible’s Tinder profile.  How did this happen? Men, pay attention, and learn some best practices for dating photos.

It was a good beginning. Mr. Possible super-liked me and made the first text move. There was nothing extraordinary in his opening but no red flags either. He wanted to know where I lived, a fair question given the number of geographic mismatches one encounters on dating apps.

As I reviewed his profile, I had to quell my overly suspicious mind, a side effect of being online too long and encountering too many guys who misrepresent themselves.  So what if he went to a relatively obscure university in New Zealand. Perhaps he’s from Middle Earth. I decided to continue communication and hope for the best. After all, I liked what he wrote in his profile and judged him attractive, although I wasn’t sure how recent his photos were.

We volleyed briefly about our respective locations and heights. As a tall woman, I always ask a man his height.

In the spirit of starting a new topic of conversation, I asked Mr. Possible to write a caption for any of his photos. He responded by captioning all of them and then (bonus points) asked about mine.

I read the captions and wondered about Mr. Possible’s use of “me” rather than “my” in captions mentioning his grandson.  Perhaps he was from New Zealand, Australia, or the UK.

Grandson1

As I went back and forth between the captions and the photos, I suddenly realized that Mr. Possible was not who I thought he was. I really did LOL (a rare use of this hated acronym).

Read my response to find out what happened.

Well, this is pretty funny.  Apparently I’ve been crushing on your grandson. Only one man’s face is visible in the first picture and since your profile has 3 photos of the same man, I assumed this man was you.  You have to appreciate that men put photos from just about every stage of life on Tinder – from babyhood on up – and often do not post current photos. And they often misrepresent their age.  Perhaps you can post another full body shot of you.  As for me, the 2nd photo is from the…(redacted in the interest of anonymity).

As I wrote my reply to Mr. Possible, I considered that he might take offense at my response.  But in typical Nadia fashion, I decided to forge ahead anyway.  I couldn’t help myself and I wrote the truth. I thought he was the younger guy.  There was apparently only one visible image of the real Mr. Possible, a head and shoulder shot of a white-haired guy (not nearly as cute as his grandson).  And the real Mr. Possible looked much older than his stated age of 59. His grandson could easily be 59.

As expected, the next time I opened Tinder I found that Mr. Possible had unmatched me.

Just to calm down any readers who might be leaping to the wrong conclusion. I don’t care to date someone two or three decades younger than me (although men do it all the time).  I would and have gone out with men who are 10-12 years younger, but I’m not looking for someone’s grandson.

I don’t think Mr. Possible was deliberately trying to misrepresent himself. I think he was clueless about dating profile photos.

For all the Mr. Possibles who could use a refresher on dating profile photos, here are some best practices:

*Make sure you are the only person in your main profile photo and clearly caption photos with other people.

*Don’t include photos with members of the opposite sex – unless they are relatives – and then, clearly state their relationship to you.

*It goes without saying, though I’m saying it: No photos of you and your recently caught fish, freshly killed deer, or your gun collection.

*To ensure that your photos work on a dating site, view your profile as it appears online AND on your phone. Not all photo formats and sizes work on apps and mobile sites.  If your photo does not comply with the app’s requirements, your head may be inadvertently cropped out (as it was in Mr. Possible’s primary photo, leaving only his grandson visible).

And, gentlemen, if you’re going to post a photo with a younger, hotter man who happens to be your grandson, at least provide a caption.

Until next time, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

Resources:

Get A Professional Photo

Online Dating Photo Shoot

The Rule of Three?

blog-three-guys

There’s a psychologist and relationship expert who advises women to embark on a Dating Program of Three. This program, as described by Diana Kirschner in her book Love in 90 Days, counters what she calls the “three-date” rule, an urban legend in which women should decide by the third date if a guy is a keeper and have sex or lose him forever.

Kirschner’s alternate approach encourages women to date three men simultaneously without having sex with any of them. “By not seeing any one man too often, you find the men who are really into you and who will stay the course,” she writes.

The program protects you against what Kirschner calls the dangers of “love addiction.” Since you will see each guy less often, you won’t zero in on any one – a possible emotional risk.

Although kissing and canoodling are okay, says Kirschner, she stresses that by not having sex you avoid “premature infatuation, dependency, and a kind of pseudo-intimacy that almost always backfires.” You’ll also get to compare the guys – and their positive and negative differences will be more apparent.  Another benefit, according to Kirschner: You’ll be naturally less available so men will get to enjoy “the chase.”

The kicker: women are advised to keep dating three men for a couple of months after they have found someone who seems to be the “one.”

Although this is an intriguing program and theory, when I read this chapter of her book, I almost laughed. Such a bounty of men seemed like an impossible dream not to mention a Herculean juggling feat and libido challenge.

It’s hard finding one guy I like enough to date — and it’s not because I’m too picky. I’m not knocking this program. I think the book has a lot of valuable advice – but, since I haven’t tried this triad approach, I’m not convinced I could do it.

However, at this very moment, despite my protests, I stand on the cusp of possibly dating three guys simultaneously. As you well know, that moment could change quickly and may even have changed during the course of writing today’s post.

Stay awhile longer and share some of this farro with roasted mushrooms.

I’m convinced that my dating universe has at least temporarily expanded thanks to the new and fresh professional profile photos that I loaded onto all my dating sites and apps. I used Online Profile Pros to find a photographer near me. The site subcontracts with local photographers. Prospective clients can view sample photos, prices, and locations of the photographers near them.

Back to the contenders for my program of three (in order of contact, not preference):

#1- A Bumble match who does not match my ideal location and height but is interesting, intelligent, and shares my interest in a healthy lifestyle. We’re both travelling in the next couple of weeks but agreed to meet halfway between our cities when we return.

#2 – A Tinder match I first connected with on Bumble several months ago. After chatting on the app for a short time and setting up a date, he cancelled on me with a lame excuse two days before our planned meeting. I wrote him off and had a lot of doubts about him. I considered our second match on Tinder a curiosity, worth exploring primarily to see if my earlier reservations were unfounded. Pre-date, I was not that enthusiastic. Mid- and post-date, I was pleasantly surprised and felt some chemistry happening. There’s a good chance of a second date.

#3 – A Match.com match I first noticed on a Match event page for a happy hour I was unable to attend. When he later popped up on my Match home page, I decided to send him a wink, a tactic that has worked for me in the past. He responded and we chatted frequently for a couple of days with a tentative plan to meet this weekend. I was pretty excited about him even though he’s 10 years younger but then all of these contenders are younger than me.

However, during our first (and only) phone call I learned he has a 9-year-old daughter. This is close to being a deal breaker for me. My kids are adults and I feel I’ve been there, done that. I’m now less excited about #3 but still want to meet him. Given that I haven’t heard from him in 24 hours, however, our interlude of interest may be over.

Upon review, I see this list is pretty fragile. I’ll be happy if just one guy is a keeper. I’d love to try a full program of three but I’m not sure these contenders will remain in the game.

It’s all part of the dating single life in your 60s — or any age for that matter. Contenders come and go, fade in, and then out with a boom or a ghost-like whisper.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

Dating Life Snow Daze

blog house in blizzard

Baby, it’s cold outside, #Snowzilla/Jonas has begun, and you’re stocked up on food, toilet paper, and wine, beer, or spirits. In between binge watching your shows and tweeting about the accumulation, take advantage of a mostly captive online dating audience.

Not only do you have a chance to interact with all the new “recruits” who signed up in early January but also more people will be housebound and surfing the dating sites this weekend. So go forth my daters and hang out online.

For once, meeting in the wild (unless you’re shoveling next to a cute neighbor), is not even on the table. Speaking of “the table,” put this yummy roasted vegetable lasagna on yours – unless you have no power, in which case, enjoy your peanut butter sandwich.

Snow bunnies, here are my dating life suggestions for this weekend:

  • Be current. Refresh your dating profile headline with a weather-related invitation or challenge. I changed the headline on all of my dating profiles to “Snowball fight in DC this weekend?”  This question is a great opener for a guy who has run out of good introductory messages. See my previous post for some pitiful examples of hello e-mails. Since I posted my snow headline two days ago, my online traffic has risen. No winners yet but the weekend isn’t over.
  • If you haven’t updated or refreshed your profile(s) recently, take a few minutes to revise. Try to be creative – think of a guy’s profile that made you laugh or impressed you. Can you use it as inspiration and modify yours?
  • Remember that guys are visual creatures. Do you have any recent photos you can upload to your profiles? Or, perhaps you can take a cute selfie of you playing in the snow – or falling on your butt.
  • Sign up for a new app, or a general or niche-dating site you haven’t tried before. Here are my reviews and ratings of three sites/apps I recently signed up for:

*Star Trek Dating I love Star Trek and science fiction so I figured this would be a great site for me. I made a Star Trek specific profile, adding in fun stuff about replicators, Klingons, and the Borg. Unfortunately, no one else on this site seems to have any interest in Star Trek or science fiction. And no one has any fun with the concept. Few men are in my geographic area and the ones who reach out are more alien than human.

Now that my free trial is over, I can’t see the photos of those who view me. I can send a free message but can’t read messages unless I pay. Since I haven’t gotten any exciting prospects, I don’t feel like getting out my credit card. Grade: C

*Stitch Despite the name, this is not a site for sewing fiends. This site/ app is an online “community” established to help mature people age 50+ find companionship, whether it’s a new friend, a romantic interest, or an event buddy who could accompany a member to a movie.

You can join Stitch for free which allows you to browse 3 profiles a day and chat with members. A full membership costs $80 a year and allows for direct messaging, identity verification, greater control over search distance, and other features.

I have been diligently reviewing my daily free profiles and “stitched” or mutually matched with one man who lives in NYC. If two people want to connect with each other, they are “stitched” and notified of the mutual interest. I wrote to my stitch; he wrote back and said he might visit DC in the future and perhaps we could meet.

Aside from Mr. NYC, I have not been interested in any of the men whose profiles I have reviewed and most of them live far away. Grade: C+

*Tastebuds Who wouldn’t love a music-oriented dating service? I thought this was a great idea. This free dating site and app allows you to create a profile based on your favorite music artists and songs.

In the future, the founders say they will help members connect through festivals, gigs, and music meet-ups. I can’t wait.

My biggest problem with Tastebuds – like so many of the apps – is that there are not enough members in my area. It is interesting to scroll through the members from all over the world, and I might try to connect with some of them on my next European adventure. Unfortunately, for everyday dating, the pickings are slim. Grade: B for concept.

  • Take a good look at your wardrobe and pre-select some good first date outfits. Group them together in the closet so if you get an impromptu invitation, you won’t have to agonize about what to wear.
  • For future reference, make a list of all the good places to meet for a first or second date – whether it’s restaurants with good happy hours, wine bars, places that have late night happy hours, coffee shops with a good vibe, and anything different like an ice-skating rink or a new exhibit at a local museum.

Stay warm and safe!  Until next week, happy dating or not dating!

XXXOOO

Nadia