Can He Cut it? Test Your Date’s Compatibility

blog road sign re delay

There are happy hour dates, movie dates, and walk in the park dates. What is really needed are dates to quickly find out if a man is the one or “one of the ones.”

Let’s enjoy this dating fantasy while we chow down on some lentil vegetable soup.

What qualities do we need to evaluate in our potential “one?” Here are a few desirable traits and a sample imaginary date you could use to test each one. Let’s call our fictional test dater Max.

The Quality: Good Communicator

The Challenge:

The ability to communicate is critical. If you have done or said something to annoy or anger your guy, he should be able to tell you about it. Otherwise, the issue will simmer and resentment will build.

Your challenge is to create a situation where you do something annoying or obnoxious to find out if Max will give you feedback.

The Date Scenario:

Suggest to Max that you go to a movie he has been interested in seeing. Once the movie starts, whisper a comment in his ear. Comment or ask questions about the plot every 10 minutes until the movie ends. Alternate your comments with an offer to share your popcorn. Even if Max says “no, thanks,” keep offering him tastes throughout the movie.

Scoring and Outcome:

A: Max quickly asks you to hold your comments

B: Max shares his annoyance after the movie is over

D: Max says nothing. You break up within a week.

F: Max runs screaming from the theater half way through the movie

The Quality: Resilience (Ability to roll with the punches)

The Challenge:

Life doesn’t always run smoothly. In fact, you can count on things going astray almost daily. An important quality is the ability to take these bumps on the road in stride and enjoy the day regardless.

Your challenge is to create a date filled with obstacles to see how well Max can “roll with it.”

The Date Scenario:

It’s a beautiful late spring day and you and darling Max are headed to a winery event in the country. Max’s favorite band is playing for a short set.

To start things off, you take a little longer getting ready to leave so there is no travel time to spare (if you’re to see the band and get the full wine tasting experience).

Under the guise of being the designated driver, you volunteer to drive so you can control the situation. Your car has a slow oil leak and you deliberately fail to replenish the oil prior to the trip. Soon after you start the 2-hour drive, the oil light goes on and you need to pull over to add oil. The clock is ticking.

You apologize to Max for the various delays but tell him that all is not lost since you found a shortcut on Google directions. This “shortcut” is in fact a nightmare scenario of weekend road construction (as predicted by the local traffic blogs you read in preparation for the trip).

You end up arriving at the winery just as the band is finishing their last song. Plus, the winery has run out of its signature pinot noir, Max’s favorite.

blog photo winery

Scoring and Outcome:

A: Throughout the drive, Max refuses to let the delays drag him down. At the winery, Max talks to the band and finds out the details of their next gig. He happily settles for merlot and kisses you passionately behind the winery shop.

B: Max is slightly petulant during the drive.

D: Max starts a nasty fight with you during the “shortcut” leg of the drive.

F: Max “accidentally” spills his glass of wine on your favorite white pants and doesn’t apologize. He drinks excessively and starts a fight with another patron. You break up that evening.

The Quality: Narcissistic or Not

The Challenge: No one loves a narcissist. Sometimes you’re not sure if you’re dealing with an egomaniac. It’s important to find out whether your guy is all about him, not much about you.

The Date Scenario:

You invite Max over to Netflix and Chill. Pizza is delivered and while you’re eating, you share that you’re dealing with a troubling work situation. You tell Max you’re so stressed out about it that you can’t sleep.

After dinner, you start the movie and move to the sofa to commence cuddling. About halfway through the movie, you pretend that you’re not feeling well. You run to the bathroom. Ten minutes later, you return looking exhausted (you have wet your hair a bit and splashed warm water on your face to look flushed).

You tell Max you think you have food poisoning, noting that it may not be the pizza since you had Chinese food from a sketchy carryout the previous night. You act like you’re about to throw up and run back to the bathroom.

Scoring and Outcome:

A: While you are talking about your work problem, Max is fully engaged, compassionate, and offers thoughtful suggestions. When the “food poisoning episode” begins, Max comforts you, brings you a washcloth, rubs your back in between attacks, and offers to call your doctor.

C: Max listens to your work story but checks his phone frequently while you’re talking. When you start to feel ill, he researches food poisoning online but otherwise is not helpful.

F: Max keeps interrupting your tale of work woes with reflections about times he overcame difficult work situations. He doesn’t let you finish sharing your story.

When the food poisoning attack begins, Max expresses concern that he ate the same pizza and starts to develop psychosomatic symptoms. He resumes the movie while holding his belly as if in pain. He doesn’t call the next day to check on you. You break up that week.

If you liked these diabolical “play dates,” you might like to play a break-up game/app called Damn Love. See my description of Damn Love in a recent post on my favorite things.

Soapbox Notes:

In real life, few, if any, women would be this conniving and few guys would score an F.

These exaggerated scenarios are a reminder to all of us to be aware of how a partner behaves during real life challenges – big and small.

Witnessing a partner’s behavior in tough situations presents us with an opportunity to learn about his – or her – true character and whether it is compatible with ours.

My motto: keep your eyes open; be true to yourself.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

 

My 10 Latest Favorite Things

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It’s time for another list of my favorite things. The themes today are dating and love (of course), travel, food, and music.

Let’s start with dating and love while enjoying a summer squash frittata with herbs from Bon Appetit. This frittata signifies the way I feel today: “I’m not ready to say goodbye to summer. “

  1. Single Dating Diva

If you are pursuing a dating life, there will be times when you will seek advice from an expert. If you are in a quandary, in addition to reading my posts (of course), check out Single Dating Diva. This award-winning blog, written by Suzie A., who also co-hosts the Sex Love Chat podcast, is a wealth of advice and plain old common sense when it comes to dating and relationships. Today I wanted some tips on body language to support my theory that a guy I went out with twice in 24 hours was in effect sending negative body language signals. Check! Suzie hit the nail on the head.

  1. The Washington Post’s Solo-ish column

With a slogan of “Unmarried, but far from alone,” editor Lisa Bonos and a cadre of freelancers write about the joys and frustrations of a solo life. I like the fact that the essays document the perspectives of people in all age groups. I may laugh or cry when I read Solo-ish. I’m never bored…because, hey, these are my people.

  1. Damn Love

I first learned of this free app and break-up game from The Washington Post’s Solo-ish column (see above). When your love life is not going swimmingly, it’s incredibly satisfying to play a game with a goal of breaking up couples that are madly in love. You have 7 rounds to break up a couple. During a round, you choose one of two actions that might cause “a problem” in a romance. After the last round, the player who caused the most problems wins. Each time you play, you are given a rank from Unpleasant to Revolting. You can choose your opponents and even chat with them.

Try it when you’re feeling disgusted by the state of your love life; enjoy the evil thrill of dissolution!

  1. Only Pack What You Can Carry: My Path to Inner Strength, Confidence, and True Self-Knowledge

It was hard to put down Janice Holly Booth’s inspiring book of memoirs and travel essays. She faced her fears and the challenges of some tough medical issues while developing a philosophy of life centered around solitude and introspection.

  1. Solo Traveler Blog

Read this blog and web site for solo travel ideas, tips, and inspiration.

  1. Barking up the Wrong Tree

I love this science-based blog by Eric Barker on “how to be awesome at life.” Recent topics include “imposter syndrome,” rituals that will make you happy, and the power of empathy. Chances are you have wondered or worried about most of the issues Barker tackles.

  1. Brainpickings

Maria Popova’s describes her website and newsletter as a collection of “interestingness.” Brainpickings weaves psychology, history, philosophy, art, science and other disciplines to painstakingly examine creativity, love, art, writing, happiness, and culture. Everything is sourced, linked, and illustrated. Read it when you have the time to click on the links and ponder the truths.

  1. Million Mile Secrets

If you want to learn how to earn and redeem airline miles and hotel points, read this blog by Daraius Dubash and Emily Jablon. It’s a great resource for beginning and experienced “miles and points” collectors.

  1. Jazz violinist Chelsey Green

If you haven’t heard Chelsey Green’s dynamic jazz violin playing, get yourself to iTunes and download a treat. I saw her perform at the Bethesda Blues and Jazz Supper Club. The audience went wild and gave her a standing ovation.

  1. Bitches who Brunch

You’ve got to love the name of this blog. I found it by accident one day when searching for a new brunch place. Love the tone and the reviews. You can search for brunch by city (DC, New York, or Chicago) and now the website offers extras such as reviews of plays, recipes, and more.

What are your favorite things? Until next week, happy dating or not dating!

XXXOOO

Nadia