Failure to Proofread and other Assorted Men’s Dating Profile Mistakes, Chapter 2

blog post june 23

It can be hard to maintain optimism when you’re in a dating dry spell, listening to a soulful Trane track, and feeling the effects of two sleepless nights. In such moments of angst, I like to browse through my screenshot collection of bad, odd, NSFW, or poorly written dating profiles. With a smile, a LOL, or a raised eyebrow, I’m able to regain my joie de vivre.

Here, for your reading pleasure, is a sampling of the best of the worst, with my snide comments. Bonus reading: a message from my inbox.

Sit a spell with some goat cheese, honey, and hazelnut bruschetta and a glass of Provencal rosé  as we review profiles in desperate need of proofreading or a rewrite.   May all of our angst disappear.

France, Texas, Ethiopia…they are all the same. Could this be Google Translate gone awry?

scrn#1

Trust is so important. I would definitely trust a man who came to the U.S. when he was 35 years old and yet also managed to grow up here. Perhaps he matured at age 36. 

scrn#8

Ahh, yes, the kind but vengeful man.  I’d be wary of this yin/yang combination.

scrn#9

I know what comes into my mind when I look into his eyes: Elements of Style.

This excerpt is hard to read, so here’s a larger and still painful version: 

i really feel very much honestly about myself here, but i think the best way , i can shared everything about my dreamed with my star woman,this secret will have to be both of us alone, write million of notes here is like selling my bio..look at my eyes and tell me what comes on your mind .. let build the spark from there ..

scrn#6

Nothing like advertising your services online. Wonder if he meant Scorpio rather than Scorpion?  The latter, however, could yield a painful massage. 

sabletouch revised

If only Tinder WAS more Tender….what kind of bite is he referring to?

scrn#13

In fact, there are lots of guys on Tinder who say “no hookups” but old labels die hard. I happen to like cute woodland animals.

scrn#7

This guy doesn’t list hunting as a hobby or grilling as a way of life but his #1 concern is whether I might be a vegan.  #VeggiesRock

vegan redo

Also new to syntax and proofreading…

scrn#10

There are alternate facts and then there are obvious facts. Would you get to know someone you were NOT interested in?

I couldn’t enlarge the type, so here’s a readable version:

I have a dry sense of humor and adventurous when you get to know me. I believe we will get to know each other more if we are both interested in each other.

scrn#12

???

scrn#4

I don’t get the door knob reference.  Please comment if you know what this means!

doorknow

Apparently he received quite an education…

west point

Wait for it.

Retyped for readability:

I am certainly prepared to give myself totally to my woman, and I do mean totally, and I expect her to give hisself totally to me in return.

hisself

One track mind times two:

onetrackmind1onetrackmind2

And then I stumble across a couple of profiles that make me smile in a good way.

#1

scrn#5

#2

scrn#16

Until next time, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

Annoyed Woman Leads Good Dating Behavior Movement

annoyed woman

Remember the line in Broadcast News when a news anchor yells, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore?”

It’s time, ladies, to start “not taking” men’s bad online dating behavior anymore. During this activist time, let’s bond and call men out when they deserve it. And my male readers, I urge you to do the same for the women who exhibit bad manners.

Let’s do this with control and politeness – there’s enough ugly commenting happening online already. But let’s make our points. Our goal: To change the Tinderverse (and other dating worlds) one exchange at a time.

Yes, in fact this is my super power. Call me Annoyed Woman.

Annoyed Woman still likes to cook. Try this crispy tofu from the kitchn, a recipe inspired by my recent cooking class. Serve with a dipping sauce of your choice or incorporate into a stir-fry or pad Thai.

The last time I was on the receiving end of bad behavior, I wrote the following response. I didn’t send it and it’s too long but, next time I will pen an appropriate length communication and send it out to the offender. “This is how we can start to turn things around,” she said optimistically.

Dear Mr. Tinder, Match, OurTime, BUMBLE, OkCupid, Hinge,

Imagine for a minute that we met at a party and started chatting. We talked for an hour and a half exploring 19 different questions and issues. And let’s suppose that I made a comment and asked the 20th question of the evening…and then you just walked away. Not a polite- “Well, I think I’ll get a drink” or “I see someone I know, it’s been nice talking to you.”  Or “Sorry I’ve got to make a call but can I get your number?”

None of that, you just walked away.  Hard to imagine doing that in “real life,” isn’t it? You’d be a real jerk if you behaved that way.  

And here is the challenge and the problem with a virtual conversation. It’s still a conversation. You assume that because you’re not standing in front of someone, there’s no accountability or responsibility.  

But when you act like the other party doesn’t really exist, that she has no feelings, you dehumanize what could be a real connection. By not saying “Nice chatting with you. Take care,” you have ruined an opportunity for grace and either continuance or closure. And you are now primed to continue acting this way in other dating encounters, whether it’s breadcrumbing or ghosting or any of the myriad modern dating actions which are really new words for the same old bad behaviors.

What do you think (other than the length)? It starts with you ladies. Let’s do this.

As you know, I like to leave you with a laugh…so let’s enjoy some crazy messages and profiles (and one clever one) from my dating files:

pix1

I guess I’m a nice guy….Not sure how/why I got this message!

*************************************************************************************

pix2

No comment.

*************************************************************************************

pix3

A for creative

*************************************************************************************

pix4

Likely a fake profile but regardless this embedded “jornalist” needs to embed in a good proofreading book.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

Failure to Proofread and other Assorted Men’s Dating Profile Mistakes

blog pix main nov 26

Suffering from the post holiday, ate too much, relatives are gone and feeling lonely blues? Perhaps you need a laugh. There’s a wealth of comedy material available in men’s dating profiles and messages.

Join me in some raw carrot sticks (no recipe today, we have over indulged)…while I share some winners from my files, annotated of course.

A conundrum: Would a non-Jew be keeping kosher? Just saying…

Nov 26 4

I hadn’t really thought of Belgiun (sic) chocolates as one of my dating requirements…perhaps I need to rethink my criteria.

Nov 26 6

A different type of sugar-themed profile (sigh):

Nov 26 7

Love that he has a dog named Fred but I wonder about a guy who kicks up his “heals” and is in the hostility business…

Nov 26 8a

I guess I wouldn’t need my passport if I ended up with this man:

Nov 26 9

We won’t be meeting so no need to worry about crime….

nov 26 1

Huh?

Nov 26 woman like simple

I blame myself for this response. I asked him about the bad boy reference in his profile:

Nov 26 2

Tweet me your funny or eyebrow-raising profile examples!

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

I Wish I’d Said or Written…

blog pix I wish I'd said

How many situations have you been in that called for a swift verbal kick to the other party’s butt but you were too stunned or tired to think of a retort?

Join me in some tasty and easy shrimp scampi while I stroll down a memory lane populated by bad first dates, bad dating profiles and profile photos, and bad dating email exchanges. Let’s feast upon the things I wish I’d said or written or even just flat out initiated based on the situation. Color me snarky.

When for the third time, an online match decided there was yet another deal breaker in our potential romance, I wish I’d written:

I’m looking for someone who looks for dealmakers…not breakers. Perhaps you should revise your profile to say no carpe diem.

When a first date put his phone on the table, face up, crossed his arms, and began a monologue about his boring job after reviewing his recent surgeries and other medical issues, I wish I’d said:

I can appreciate your enthusiasm for your job and the challenges posed by surgery, however, this conversation feels very one sided and I prefer to table discussions about health and medical issues until after a first meeting.

When a man wrote in the About me section of his profile, “Taller slender white female with athletic body” but left the About the one I’m looking for section blank, I wish I’d written:

If you’re a tall female, you really should change your photo to reflect that. Or perhaps you need to proofread your profile?

When I told a guy he was too far away to consider and he wrote:

August 10 10 24 pm I do travel

I wish I’d written: Say what? 

When I read a guy’s Tinder profile and it said:

sensitive parts August 10 10 15

I wish we had matched. I would have written:

I just had to say yes to such an intelligent and sensitive guy.

When I found another carefully written and edited profile:

August 4 8 21 God fearing lady

I wish I’d written: I can appreciate your religiosity, however, I’m looking for a typo fearing man rather than a God fearing lady.

When a man on Match wrote to me “Your tag name is interesting. Does it relate to the country,” I wish that, instead of ignoring him,

I’d written back to say: What country? My screen name is pretty self explanatory in terms of what it relates to. What did you like in my profile? 

When I browsed through a man’s profile photos and noticed all of them showed him with his arm around a woman, I wish I’d written:

If that’s your sister in three of your photos, you should say so.

When I read a guy’s profile and it stipulated he only wants to meet women 35 to 45, I wish I had written to him:

I see I’m too old for you based on your age preferences. However, I’m still 5 years younger than you.

When I found yet another profile of a soldier with a gun, I wish I’d written:

Is that an AK47 in your pix? Then, I’d insert a peace sign emoji.

When a man’s profile photo showed him shirtless in bathing trunks with scuba gear, one leg up in a pin-up pose (judge for yourself), I wish I’d referenced the glamour shot in my message. Oh wait, I did.

scuba glamour shot 2

scuba glamour shot response

Send me your recent retorts! Snarkiness loves company.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

 

 

The Dating Comedy Channel

Marx brothers

A man walks into a dating site… and describes himself as “very recently widowed.” When is this statement ever attractive? Particularly if the man is grinning in his main profile photo. When I see something like this, I put on my detective hat and wonder, “how did he do it?” Just saying.

Like the very recently widowed description, there’s a lot of comedy (often tragicomedy and absurdist) material in online dating. You don’t have to look too hard for it. It can be found in profiles, photos, and behavior. I’m always curious about the motivation and thought process of these inappropriate guys. Curiosity always makes me hungry so join me in a slice of blistered tomatoes and corn pizza while I share some tragic/comic examples from my dating files.

For instance, you’d think someone who was widowed would be careful about proofreading the word referring to his marital status. But that’s not always the case:

I am windowed

Sometimes one’s romantic dreams intersect with dentistry:

fillings of my heart

I have to laugh at this larger than life description of a self-described Viking and his ideal mate though I think he’s more of a caveman than a Viking:

Remember The Three Faces of Eve? Here we have the three faces of a man on Bumble:

God fearing man with personalities

I so need to know whether someone enjoys cabbage. It’s one of my top priorities:

Ton

Not funny but annoying as hell when a guy can’t come up with one specific thing they liked in your profile:

CNN News Junkie

Ahh, the strength of the male ego – particularly when it concerns sexual prowess. Perhaps there’s another reason a second encounter was not requested:

6'4

Tweet me your funny examples! I’m on Twitter (and Facebook) as @60sdating.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

You Know You’ve Been Dating Online for Too Long When…

blog pix june 24

Whether you’ve been online for 6 months or 6 years, had 10 or 100 first dates, and progressed to assorted numbers of second dates and actual relationships (short or long term), you may reach a point where you are tempted to give it up.

Possible triggers include a heinous ghosting episode, an increasing lack of suitable partners, or the propensity of many men to window shop as a way of life.

Join me in some Turkish chickpea burgers as we review specific signs that you may be at or have already reached your breaking point:

You’ve been online too long when:

*You can remember the early days of Bumble when there was only one worker bee available.

*You have saved and checked enough photos on Google Image Search or Veracity mobile image search to fill an FBI most wanted file.

*You know that when a man says his age is 60 but he’s willing to date women up to age 75, he’s actually 76.

*Similarly, you know when a man says he’s 6’ tall, he’s actually 5’8.”

*Checking the online dating sites every morning and night is as mindless as brushing your teeth but without a guaranteed reward like a healthy mouth.

*You immediately shut down any guy who asks, “How long have you been on this site?”

*Being “favorited” is now one of your least favorite things, because it usually means you have been bookmarked and soon forgotten.

*You know not to take a man at his word when his profile says he likes to listen as much as talk.

*You have a new lexicon of dating terms: breadcrumbing, ghosting benching, swiping, etc.

*Dating terminology starts to affect everyday speech. When someone asks, “Do you have a match?” you don’t search through a drawer, you start to daydream about the guy you reached out to on Match.

*Your main reason for acquiring new Facebook friends is to increase your ‘stable’ of possibilities on Tinder, Bumble, and other Facebook-based apps.

*You immediately know when there’s a new guy on one of the dating sites because you are so familiar with the membership.

*Your inner editor is working overtime to correct such spelling or proofreading gaffes as “love the autdoors.”

*The bartenders at your favorite first date spots know what you’re drinking before you order.

*You’ve been filmed kissing dates goodbye on so many parking lot cams, that attendants are bringing popcorn to the security reviews.

Ranting aside, online dating – despite its many frustrating and time consuming aspects – continues to be a viable way to meet a romantic partner.

Hang in, continue to pursue real life interactions, and take it all with a grain or two of salt on your margarita glass.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

Follow me on Twitter and Facebook @60sdating

May Rant about Dating

blog post angry face for may 7

 

I keep giving guys a break. Perhaps the sparkling wit absent from their written correspondence will manifest in a real life interaction. Maybe they will look better in person than they do in their profile photos. I’m sure the 1-hour geographic distance will be inconsequential if we have chemistry.

Why do I force these issues? I don’t want to be so picky that I never find anyone. I do, however, refuse to compromise on what’s really important to me in a partner…so I only suffer illusions or delusions for a limited timeframe.

There are some guys that don’t deserve even a short break. Lately I’ve been feeling generally annoyed at bad or inappropriate profiles and photos. Swipe with me, click on profiles with me, and you’ll see what I mean. Fuel up first on some baked red snapper.

Examples from my dating files:

The word-less profile:

*A picture of an armed soldier sandwiched between two photos of a guitar-filled wall

*A “shadow” photo – literally a picture of someone’s shadow.

Sapiosexual ad nauseum:

May 7 blog sapiosexual

Mocking education and career:

*Graduated from University of Hard Knocks

*Works at: Director of Everything

Consider joining a religion-focused dating site: 

“I am a man with a fear of God….All I want in a woman is someone….who…has a fear of God too.”

God's Hands

 

Photo misses:

*Ten photos- nine of them are of a woman

*Bondage toys

Silly for silly’s sake:

 

May 7 blog silly 

 

 

 Fetish friendly

May 7 blog fetish

A man with a farm or wild animal 

*Cuddling with a tiger, rubbing noses with a llama (love animals just not these pictures)

LinkedIn not

*His profile reads like a resume or a biography by a historian and sometimes so does his first message:

May 7 blog linkedin 1

Profile example:May 7 blog linkedin 2

Extra credit for cleanliness and good housekeeping

May 7 blog cleanliness

So many more examples…Sigh. Okay, end of rant.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia