Writing process

The Top 10 Life Skills You Develop When Dating

~ Nadia Alegria Amore ~ Leave a comment

blog pix Feb 25 2018

Do you sometimes think that the hours you spend on dating and related activities are a huge waste of time? This question assumes you haven’t met “the one,” which, of course, would justify your efforts. But if you feel more frustrated than fulfilled, it might be helpful to look at the dating process as a way to build key life skills.

Chow down on some fish tacos while I share the top 10 life skills you develop when living a dating lifestyle:

*Writing and editing. If you are serious about online dating and pay attention to the dating gurus, you will get lots of practice writing, editing, and rewriting your profile as you strive to freshen your bio and “about” sections. You’ll practice your “writing tight” skills, always valuable in the working world.

*Researching and sleuthing. Whether you meet someone online or IRL, there is often a need to do a little research to ensure your safety and verify Mr. X’s identity and marital status. Over time, and particularly if you read this blog for tips, you will develop impressive research and sleuthing skills. You will soon be able to quickly determine such things as a guy’s relationship status, last name, and potentially his political party. I urge you not to over research – just find out enough to safely proceed.

*Technology skills. The more you use phones, apps, tablets, and laptops the more you increase your technology skills. Messaging, texting, loading photos and profiles – all add to your abilities to function in today’s world.

*Critical thinking. What do you want in a partner? What personality traits does your ideal partner have? What are your relationship deal breakers and makers? Deep reflection on these questions will improve your critical thinking skills.

*Resilience. Ghosted? Bread crumbed? Broken up? Endless swiping with no dates? All of these experiences build resilience – a valuable life skill.

*Listening to your gut. The longer you date, the more you will learn to trust your gut. It’s a helpful barometer of your feelings, the suitability of your partner, the safety of a situation, and the health of your relationship. Once you learn to trust your gut, you will rely on it for help with friendships, family relationships, and professional situations.

*Speaking and reading body language. With all of the people interaction you’re getting, you will become more adept at reading a guy’s body language. You can apply this skill to reading your boss, your co-worker, and your cousin.

*Developing your sense of humor. You’ll get lots of practice laughing hysterically at dating profiles and photos…from pictures taken in hospital beds (I kid you not) or depressing looking gym bathrooms to profiles written at the 3rd grade level. 

*Fitness. So you want to rock that LBD or LRD? In fact you just want to fit into anything “little.” If so, dating will encourage you to be your fittest self. Exercise is good for you – no matter what your motivation. A fit person can cope better with daily and dating stress.

*Multi-tasking. Swiping while having breakfast? Editing your profile in between taking Spanish quizzes on the Babbel app? Choosing a new photo while searching for a photo for a new blog post? All of these tasks build strength in multi-tasking, one of the most important skills – unless you believe it’s counterproductive to “being in the moment.”

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

Seven Reasons Why You Should Blog or Keep a Journal

~ Nadia Alegria Amore ~ Leave a comment
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Author and writing coach Natalie Goldberg said it well, “Whether you’re keeping a journal or writing as a meditation, it’s the same thing. What’s important is you’re having a relationship with your mind.”

With its similarities to journaling, I think Natalie would find value in blogging. I’d like to share with you what blogging has taught me in the hope that you might also blog with a benefit and purpose as you pursue a dating – or not dating – life.

This is something I’ve wanted to focus on for a couple of months but describing the pursuit of “One of the Ones” kept sidetracking me. Of course, since the dating life is a key focus of this blog, I’ll be incorporating dating stories into today’s post. I might even discuss sex (a tease so you will read to the end).

Let’s sit back and enjoy my own 4th of July light lunch creation: ricotta cheese and plain Greek yogurt mixed with fresh cherries and blueberries and chopped walnuts or almonds. If the ricotta and yogurt are low fat, you will have a heart-healthy patriotic lunch. Let me know if you want details on the quantities.

Blogging has shown me that the very act of putting fingers to keyboard or pen to paper – the writing process – can help me figure something out. At a deeper level, it helps determine and clarify my views on a particular person or situation.

Let me illustrate with an example from my recent dating history. After meeting Mr. D who was separated from his 3rd wife, I was on the fence about whether I should consider dating him since there was a possibility his marriage was not over. As I wrote about our meeting, I realized that I could not throw away the possibility of a relationship with someone who almost immediately inspired chemistry, connection, and intimacy. My gut said no, my heart said yes…but the writing process told me to let my heart win this one – even if I got hurt at some point. So write (pun intended) or wrong, that’s the direction I went in until Mr. D fired himself to preserve both of our hearts.

Blogging also motivates me to not give up the dating life. I may be frustrated or exhausted by the process but I know I have to carry on — not only for my ultimate benefit but also for yours. I started this blog to hopefully inspire and motivate others to jump into the dating pool after a hiatus.

Writing this blog reminds me of lessons learned so that I can truly incorporate those lessons into my life on an ongoing basis. When I described the steps I took to get ready to date, I reclaimed my commitment to continue working on myself. Self- improvement and strengthening one’s independence are essential parts of the post-divorce healing process.

Related to this, blogging provides a sense of accountability. I take action steps to move life forward since I have committed to them in the blog and have said to you, dear readers, that these steps are important and WE should do them. So I force myself to go to meet-ups when I might not be feeling terribly social. Or I go on a second date with a guy I’m on the fence about not only to see if he’s One of the Ones but also to have the experience, learn from it, and share it with you.

Part of the blogger’s modus operandi is to seek inspiration, knowledge, and familiarity with the landscape of the topic at hand.   So I read other blogs and listen to podcasts on a similar theme of dating and relationships. The side effect is I benefit from the wisdom, perspective, and often the sense of humor provided by others on a similar journey. Case in point: The podcast, Women of Uncertain Age. I enjoyed being a guest on this week’s show to talk about dating in your 60s. Additional side effect/benefit of blogging: Meeting other bloggers and podcasters.

Blogging also encourages the creation of a personal philosophy. Writing this post, for example, has given me a philosophy and credo on blogging.

Finally, blogging provides a creative outlet – so important for everyone and at every stage of life. So even if you don’t create a blog, buy a journal or an inexpensive composition book and “write like a motherfucker” as Cheryl Strayed said in her classic book, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar.

O.K. so I didn’t talk about sex this time. But it’s coming, no pun intended. And I will have a surprise interview with a noted expert some time this month.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia