I’ve spent the last couple of weeks calling out men who behave badly, rejecting men who are not for me, wondering whether I’m too picky or whether I’m not picky enough. In other words, this has been a typical couple of weeks in the life of a sometimes-dating boomer. Then I read a survey that says women and men in their 60s are having the best sex of their lives. This is not uplifting when you don’t currently have a partner. To top it off, I keep getting Valentine’s Day ads and announcements.
Can you sense a rant coming on? Join me in a healthy five layer dip snack for the Super Bowl or any time while I detail examples of these annoyances.
#1 Men Behaving Badly
Remember Mr. Hot N’ Cold otherwise known as Mr. M? I cringe to admit he briefly resurfaced and I’m to blame for encouraging him albeit in a lukewarm way (love those temperature metaphors).
To bring you up to date, I discovered that the voicemails of people whose numbers you block live on in a blocked section of your voicemails. About a month ago, I listened to Mr. M’s last voicemail. It was nice and harmless enough and I decided that maybe he wasn’t a stalker just a poor texter. That doesn’t excuse other problems including his lack of follow through and long absences. I wasn’t about to reach out to Mr. M but filed away a less negative impression of him.
Then unexpectedly, Mr. M resurfaced on Zoosk, one of the sites we had communicated on. He “viewed” me, which is the real life equivalent of a flirting glance. I agonized about whether I should “view” him back but I was feeling a lack of male company and decided to cast my fate to the dating gods.
He responded by sending me a nice message through the site and asked if we could get together. I said I would think about it and let him know I was hesitant due to his previous communications and behavior. “I can understand that,” he wrote and asked if he could have a do-over. Later that day, I message him that we could have a drink sometime. This is when the leopard’s spots reappeared.
The evidence via messages:
Nadia: Okay, we can meet for a drink some time.
M: okay will look at my schedule to fit into yours
Nadia: Okay (smiley face)
Friday, January 19:
Comment: Notice the time span. No response from Mr. M after 13 days. So I messaged him (I know what you’re thinking):
Nadia: Hi, Not sure if I misinterpreted your last message, but I thought you were going to suggest a day to meet. Anyway, thought I would check in to say that.
About 4:30 p.m. on January 19th:
M: I got back in town thursday. was overseas working. What are you doing this evening
January 19 (continued):
I didn’t see his message on the site and then he phoned me. I missed his call. He left a voicemail and I called him back 30 minutes later.
Again, note the timespan. I returned his call on Jan. 19. On Feb. 2, he sent me a message through Zoosk saying he’d been traveling for work, then had to attend an out of town funeral, and after that “things were on the move with work locally.” “I will try and call you shortly,” he wrote.
“I don’t think that explains why you didn’t return my call of 2 weeks ago…you were in town then,” I replied. “It seems like you are playing a game, perhaps just being a breadcrumber – look up this dating term. It describes the way you have behaved with me.”
Epilogue: As expected, there was no response from Mr. M. This is finally the end of the Mr. Hot N’ Cold story unless it’s not.
#Rejecting Men who are Not for Me
Last month I went out with a very nice man, Mr. ZZ, despite the fact he had the same first and middle names as my ex. That was almost enough to put me off but I decided to go for it. Based on his photos, I was worried I wouldn’t be attracted to him. I thought, “Maybe I’m too picky” and agreed to meet for a happy hour.
We had a “pleasant” time, no conversation lapses but it started to feel a bit strained toward the end of the hour. There was not a whiff of chemistry on my part. He didn’t have the kind of male energy that I like.
I sensed Mr. ZZ liked me but I could tell he was shy and at the end of our date he shook my hand goodbye. He viewed me several times over the next few days but did not reach out for a second date. I think he was waiting for me to “view” him back but I didn’t want to encourage him. I vacillated a couple of times and thought maybe I should give it another go but ultimately let it fade away.
#Wondering whether I’m too Picky
See above encounter with Mr. ZZ.
#Wondering whether I’m not Picky Enough
I could cite any of a number of conversations with men whom I clearly have little in common with other than we are both breathing.
#People in their 60s are having the best sex
Send one of the men surveyed directly to me.
#Valentine’s Day Hype
I suggest an alternate “Galentines” Day for women to celebrate with friends.
Until next week, happy dating or not dating.