Tinder in España

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My Tinder app exploded in Spain.

Despite a half-hearted promise to myself to take a break from online dating while on vacation in Spain and Ireland. I was curious about my “match-ability” in another country. So I spent some time swiping while waiting in museum lines and hanging out in tapas restaurants and pubs.

I almost laughed when just about everyone I swiped right on in Barcelona and Madrid was a match…and many of them were a decade or more younger than me. This was a great ego boost for a woman celebrating a “ semi-big” birthday. Have a slice of birthday cake with me.

Unfortunately, hablo un poco de Español, so my travelling partner daughter and volunteer wing woman agreed with me that I shouldn’t meet anyone who didn’t speak English.

Thanks to my Google translate app, I was able to communicate to a certain extent with all of my matches, including one seeking a late-night hook-up and the guy who wanted to know where I was at that exact moment. No, gracias.

As bad luck would have it, my two most promising English-speaking prospects matched with me just as I was about to leave Barcelona. After a couple of texts, one offered to drive me to the airport. No, gracias. Still, I exchanged email addresses with both of them. Mr. J plans to travel to the US later this year and like me, Mr. F believes in serendipity. Anything can happen.

Spain: 2; Ireland: 0. For various reasons, I didn’t want to correspond with any of my Irish matches.

In the meantime, I’m back on U.S. soil, suffering from jet lag and reconnecting with my pre-trip matches.

One guy – #2 from my rule of three post, revisited his earlier “he’s just not that into you” behavior. First, Mr. B missed an opportunity to send me a happy birthday text while I was away (no excuses since we share the same birthday).

Second, before I left for Europe, he asked me to let him know when I was back in the states. Since I had given him my return date, I was on the fence about proactively sending a text to say, “I’m back.” However, I had a planned date with someone and wanted to try my best to follow the rule of dating three. So I sent a short “back in the U.S.” text on Friday afternoon. Mr. B asked about my trip but didn’t reply to the short summary I sent him: lots of walking, eating, art, and architecture.

Then, at 9:29 p.m., 5 hours after I offered my 140-character trip summary, he sent a text. He acknowledged the short notice and asked if I’d like to get together the next day.

My immediate take on his “late” request: he invited me out after returning from a bad Friday night first date. Plus he failed to comment on my beautifully crafted 140-word trip summary. So, yes, “he’s just not that into me” and “No, gracias” to the invite.

How does someone show he is “into you?” Case in point: Mr. K. We matched before my trip. I texted him to say I was headed out of the country. He said he’d wait for me. He texted me the day I returned. We texted, talked by phone, and had lunch yesterday. After our date, he texted me and I see that he has texted me good morning.

Now, men, that’s how you do it. The object of your affection should feel like she is on your mind just before you go to sleep and as soon as you wake up.

It’s a simple implementation of the psychology of love and dating. Whether you are stateside or in Europe.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

The Letdown

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I’m in a bit of a letdown mode right now after a much-anticipated first date that fizzled.

Have a slice of chocolate cake with me. Nutrition can be damned today since I need some chocodorphins (endorphins created by chocolate).

It’s not that the date was terrible but the meeting revealed a lack of truth in advertising.

I matched with Mr. J on Tinder. He had zero profile information but a nice face. In one of his pictures, he sat in front of a microphone. It appeared he was a newscaster or radio personality. This was one reason I didn’t feel it was essential to talk to him on the phone before meeting. I assumed he did not have a voice like Truman Capote though there are some annoying “radio voices” out there.

He started our conversation with “Hi.” I had little to go on so I asked him whether he was a radio newscaster or played one on TV. The texting took off from there and didn’t stop until we met 24 hours later. It turns out he is in radio though not in my hometown so I had not heard him on air.

We acquired a brief sense of each other: marital history, Pandora stations we listen to, and what we like to do in our free time. I also learned that this was his first day on Tinder. Many men say, “I just joined.” But I believed Mr. J. He’d been divorced awhile and done online dating but hadn’t joined what he thought was a hook-up APP. I assured him it didn’t have to be and when he asked, “What’s a nice girl like you doing on Tinder?” I pointed out that my profile specified I was not looking for a hookup.

We flirted, one of my favorite aspects of dating. And, there were no dick pix! Plus Mr. J was polite. After the first few texts, he said he was about to sit down to dinner with his son and asked if he could text me later. I almost fainted. Most men just stop mid-text with no warning and no (or a sorry) explanation if they resumed the chat.

After Mr. J’s dinner, he jumped back online and we texted and flirted until my fingers started to cramp up. The interlude ended with a plan to meet for a drink the next evening.

Before we said good night, Mr. J said he felt butterflies as a result of our virtual encounter. I acknowledged having them too. You know the kind of butterflies – good ones that mean you’re excited about someone.

The next day I was an energizer bunny. I decided to take advantage of that electrical buzz that comes from an anticipated first date and clean my house from top to bottom. That’s what awesome texting chemistry can do for you.

I didn’t have time to get a mani-pedi but I dressed carefully and — even though I’m a half-inch taller than Mr. J — decided to wear heels.

I got to the restaurant bar first. I only had a 10-minute drive; he had 60 minutes. I ordered a glass of wine, which did wonders for my first date nerves. There was a cute younger guy sitting at the bar alone but I deliberately did not make eye contact since I was waiting for someone.

Mr. J arrived. Oh. A quick once-over revealed a very unfit, overweight man. Nice face but not my physical type. Hopes dashed. This is a deal breaker for me. I’m fine with a little belly and I don’t seek perfection but when a man has truly let himself go, I just can’t be attracted.

I spend a considerable time working out at the gym, swimming, walking, and eating healthy (aside from the occasional chocolate cake lapse-see above) so I need someone who’s on that same page and whose appearance reflects that.

So, like so many of life’s disappointments, you just have to muddle through. We had a nice hour-long chat but there was no flirting. When I returned from a restroom break, Mr. J said he should probably head back home.

Later that evening, he texted me to say he arrived safely. Then he wrote, “I have this feeling you did not feel a spark.” “Sadly, that is true,” I replied. “I wish it were otherwise because I think you’re a great guy.” He thanked me and wished me luck. Polite to the end!

The next morning I was a used up energizer bunny – woefully in need of a charge. That’s what the rollercoaster dating life can do to you. I made a sign and put it on my desk:

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It’s been a couple of days and I’m back to my upbeat self – helped by a couple of irons in the fire.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating. Or, as a new friend says, “happy solo honoring time.”

XXXOOO

Nadia