The Olympics of Dating: A Fantasy

Olympics 1 for blog

Are you “Olympic ed” out? The number one Google search question about Rio last Wednesday was “When do the Olympics end?” Move over XXXI – we need a new Olympics of Dating. It’s time for another Nadia fantasy.

Join me in some crostini with tuna tapenade while I share my mildly naughty thoughts with you…and have a glass of champagne to celebrate tonight’s end of that other Olympics.

Qualifying Sports in the Olympics of Love

Meeting Freestyle

The sport of meeting the opposite sex is the basis for all the other games. First, find a partner!

Action, Rules, and Scoring: In this Dating Olympics event, men or women score based on the quantity of phone numbers acquired during a 24-hour interval. Each sportsman/woman is paired with a spotter/bodyguard who records the player’s success and makes sure there is no hanky panky (of the number fudging type).

Competitors are allowed to acquire phone numbers from matches on dating sites and apps and from people they meet in person. Extra points are given for verified meet-cutes.

Extreme Speed Dating  

Action, Rules, and Scoring: This sport, a takeoff of traditional speed dating, is measured in seconds rather than minutes. Competitors rotate “conversational” partners after 15 seconds. Given the limited timeframe allowed to get to know someone, intuition becomes more important than actual rapport. Appearance is everything because there is nothing else. High scorers (in both the men’s and women’s divisions) are those who proactively ask the most people out on a date that is accepted.

Synchronized Texting 

Action, Rules, and Scoring: In this favorite of Millennials, the player’s task is to match the exact word count and response time (down to the second) of texts received from a competitor on the opposing team. Extra points are awarded for creativity and engagement. Fouls are called for use of the salutations “heyyyyy” and “hi gorgeous/handsome, wanna see me naked?”

Synchronized Sexting

Action, Rules, and Scoring: The action and rules are similar to Synchronized Texting but there are no fouls for naked picture offers (as long as there is no coercion). Scoring is, well, you know.

Fence Mending

Action, Rules, and Scoring: Unlike fencing, the goal of Fence Mending is to “unstab” your competitor in a planned verbal battle. Competitors are judged for their sincerity in acknowledging bullheadedness, insensitivity, and stupidity.

Flirting

Action, Rules, and Scoring: Competitors use body and verbal language to charm their partner. Judges evaluate the degree of eye contact, smiling, light arm touching, and open body language. Winners progress to the next level, whatever that might be.

Canoedling 

Action, Rules, and Scoring: In this relatively new Olympic dating sport, competitors are judged on their ability to canoodle while maneuvering a canoe through a difficult obstacle course in shark-infested waters. Points are given for maintaining continuous physical contact with the designated teammate while fighting off a shark with the paddle.

Volley Talk

Action, Rules, and Scoring: Volley Talk, in which competitors are judged on their conversational equipoise, is one of the more popular Olympic Dating games. Extra points are given for intense listening, appropriate questioning, and eye contact. Penalties are given for monologuing, curbed enthusiasm, and cell phone action while one’s partner is talking.

Sex Gymnastics

Action, Rules, and Scoring: This is a Millennial dominated sport although a few valiant Gen Xers and Baby Boomers continue to compete. Competitors are judged on extreme flexibility, inversion, and orthopedic improbability. Fouls are not given for environmental wreckage, ripped clothing, exhibitionism, or adult beverage spilling. In fact, these occurrences incur extra points.

Have I left out any games? Let me know.

Until next week, happy competing — er dating — or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dating Dry Spell Ramblings

blog woman thinking of man

When I am in a dating dry spell, my mind wanders. I think about my (and other women’s) criteria for selecting partners, general unfairness in the dating world, and ways to get out of my rut.

Oh serendipity! Just as I’m writing this, I match with a guy on Tinder and he sent me a message. So this post will have a bit of hope in it.

Let’s address the 3 topics mentioned above while enjoying some rice and shrimp bake with feta cheese. Just substitute veggie or fish broth and use fresh herbs if possible.

*Criteria for date/partner selection

A dating dry spell triggers thoughts about whether I am too picky. When I re-entered the dating world in my 60s, I had few criteria. I didn’t really know what I was looking for – in part because I had little dating experience outside of my long marriage and because, following a divorce, it can take awhile to trust your instincts.

After a few short-term relationships, what seems like thousands of dates, and some analysis and self-reflection I fine-tuned my selection criteria.

These criteria encompass brains, age, height, attractiveness, sense of humor, empathy/lack of narcissism, and outlook on life. Here’s how these criteria have morphed over time:

Brains. I was less picky about academic credentials at the beginning. Now I realize I would like someone who has at least a 2-year degree. I am fully aware of the value of street and people smarts. It’s just that, in general, someone who has been to college tends to align better with my interests, etc.

Age. At the beginning, I was fine with dating guys 5 to 10 years older than me. Now, I lean toward younger men and consider those who are 10-12 years younger. There are always exceptions but I seem to fit better with a younger man in terms of outlook on life – joie de vivre.

-Height. I’m tall and I prefer taller men. My ex- was shorter than me and so were some of my romantic partners so I gave the height issue a good run. Tall guys just work better for me on a variety of levels (pun intended) so for now I’m swiping right on those 6’+ hotties.

-Attractiveness. Although there are some “types” I like, I can be attracted to guys with a variety of looks – from Matt Damon to George Clooney (right — I can dream.) Over time, I learned that there are certain types I am not attracted to…so I swipe left or don’t reach out to them.

-Sense of humor. It has to be there. This is a deal breaker. Enjoyment of mild sarcasm and an ability to be silly are definite turn-ons. This criterion has not morphed over time.

-Empathy/lack of narcissism. No more narcissists. At the beginning, I was more forgiving of this character flaw but I learned my lesson.

-Outlook on life. This is another non-negotiable criterion. I seek a positive, optimistic, fun-loving and adventurous man. I’m not happy if I date someone with a negative worldview.

*General unfairness in the dating world 

-From what my friends and I have witnessed, it’s a lot easier for “older” men to find a partner. Certainly my ex and most of the exes of my divorced single friends are coupled.

Statistically speaking, the ratio of single men to single women gets less favorable as we age. According to the Pew Research Center, the number of unmarried men and women is about equal at age 40. Starting at age 45, there’s a decline in the number of single men. At age 64, there are 62 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women. Ouch – so the shortage is real.

-Not only are there fewer men as we age but society “trains” men to be more critical of a woman’s natural aging than of a man’s. Yes, there are “cougars” but, in general, you see more May/December couplings with older men/younger women. Side note: I was intrigued by the May/December marriage (he’s 55, she’s 70) of the Florida couple that won part of the recent enormous Powerball jackpot. I’d love to know their story.

*Ways to get out of my rut

         –In addition to the survival tips I offered in a previous post on dating dry spells, I am trying speed dating for a second time tonight. I am somewhat burned out on online dating and there’s a lot of appeal to finding out in 6 minutes whether you and the man you are sitting across from have any chemistry or potential chemistry. This will be my second foray into speed dating. Wish me luck!

-In another in-person activity, this coming week I’m going to a happy hour sponsored by one of the dating sites. I’ll be asking the wizard for some lioness courage before I go to that event.

What do you think about or do when you’re in a dating dry spell? What makes you angry? What gives you hope? Send comments!

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Until next week, happy dating or not dating!

XXXOOO

Nadia