Romance and Music: A Memory Playbook

Blog concert

Music is the shorthand of emotion, Leo Tolstoy

 

I was driving the other day when Michael Buble’s version of Feeling Good came on the radio. It only took a few notes for me to flashback to my first out-of-the-divorce-box relationship.

I would guess that most of you have collected a playbook of songs that are associated with a particular romance in your life. A song may have been playing on the radio at the time you were involved, or the lyrics captured the essence of your relationship, or perhaps you were stuck on that song during your love fest and it became forever associated with that time in your life.

Whatever the reason for the association, when that song is played, you time- travel back to that relationship and to your love interest. The length of time you need to travel and the quality of both the romance and the break-up will determine whether the song triggers feelings of melancholy, sadness, anger, or fondness.

Sit with me, have some grilled flatbread with mushrooms, ricotta, and herbs, and let’s run through my playbook.

Feeling Good is a classic starting over song. Just sample the lyrics:

It’s a new dawn

It’s a new day

It’s a new life

For me

And I’m feeling good.

No wonder this song was a perfect fit for my first post-divorce relationship with Mr. K, a widower. I even sent him a link to the YouTube video. Unfortunately, Mr. K wasn’t quite ready for a new day so the song reminds me of the dangers of getting involved with someone who has not moved on.

Come to Me, the Goo Goo Dolls

Love, starting over, marriage, eternity….all the classic themes for a relationship with Mr. M – or so I thought: 

Come to me my sweetest friend


Can you feel my heart again


I’ll take you back where you belong


And this will be our favorite song


Come to me with secrets bare


I’ll love you more so don’t be scared


And when we’re old and near the end


We’ll go home and start again 

Unfortunately, Mr. M and I weren’t compatible on an emotional or physical level. We both wanted a sweetest friend but not with each other.

Ghostbusters theme, Ray Parker Jr.

This one is a cheat because my relationship with Mr. D didn’t have a song. But since he ghosted me and was possibly a cheat, I’m adding it to my playbook. 

If there’s something weird

and it don’t look good

Who ya gonna call?

GHOSTBUSTERS

The Man Who Can’t be Moved, The Script

I discovered this song when I first met Mr. L and sent it to him soon after we met…just because I loved the melody and, as a hopeful romantic, I’m a sucker for stories of yearning and lost love.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,


Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I’m not gonna move,


Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,


Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,


Some try to hand me money they don’t understand,


I’m not broke I’m just a broken hearted man,


I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,


How can I move on when I’m still in love with you

Mr. L was not ready for undying love – still separated; he had more wild oats to sow before he gave his heart to someone.

Our House, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

This song goes way back to my marriage. It was a song of the times – post Woodstock, still hippie, still sometimes high, organic, long hair, vegetarian, young and relatively free.

I’ll light the fire, you place the flowers in the vase that you bought today.

Staring at the fire for hours an hours while I listen to you

Play your love songs all night long for me, only for me.

This classic song endures but, as you know, the marriage did not.

Now, for something sarcastic and fun, here are some songs for a few of the one-date wonders in my life over the past few years.

For the seldom available narcissist:

You’re so Vain

For the guy who can’t stop talking about money

Bills, bills, bills

For the liar (profile, photo, etc.):

All Men are Liars

For the handsome one you know is trouble:

Cowboy Casanova

Four songs for all the single ladies:

Single

Single Ladies

Men in this Town

Independent Women

What songs are in your playbook?

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

A Woman’s Inner Monologue During a First Date

blog interior monologue

Having become thoroughly seasoned (battered and fried) in the art of the first date, I’d like to share with you a typical inner monologue that I – or you – might experience before and during an initial meeting.

This is a composite interior “speech” culled from my now unfortunately vast experience with first dates.

I have broken the monologue down into four parts (before the date, the greeting, the middle, and the end).

The Prep or Seasoning Prior to the Date (see a past blog entry for bonus reading on this process)

“I should wear red to meet Mr. C since men like red.

“Thank God I have been working out. Hopefully my jiggles are less wiggly.

“I wonder if the waiters will recognize me at the bar. They must be wondering why I am always with someone new. I need a new venue.

“I really thought Mr. C was going to revoke me. At least he appears legitimate.

“Why am I nervous? I guess that’s normal. I wonder if he’s nervous.

The Batter (The Early Minutes)

“There he is sitting in the waiting area. He looks like one of the pictures in his profile – but not the one I like the best.

“He’s standing up now to greet me. He is definitely not 6’2”. I wore heels because I thought I could. Oh well, we’re about the same height.

“Just a hi greeting – no handshake (thankfully). Hugs can be nice. I remember a few who kissed me at first greeting.

 

Fried (The Middle)

“I seem to be asking all the questions, bringing up conversation topics. Maybe I’ll mention that. Oh, he realized that. Bonus points.

“He seems nice but I’m not feeling an attraction. Perhaps it will come if we talk some more.

“I don’t think he exercises much – seems to be more into spectator sports.

“I find the timbre of his voice somewhat unpleasant. Sigh.

“It sounds like he’s a good dad to his children.

“I’m starving. I wonder if I should mention ordering something. Not dinner – too much of a commitment – perhaps an appetizer to share. Yes, I will suggest it.

“Did I really need to hear that story about someone he used to date?

“I think it’s time to call it a night. I’ll offer to help pay the bill.

“He shouldn’t have taken me up on my offer. It seems counter to my feminist ways to believe the man should pay for the first date. And yet, I do…though I’m at odds with myself on this.

Finished (The End)

Nice that he’s walking me to my car.
“Oh, he’s a good kisser. Needs a breath mint, however.

“WTF?! Did he really need to have a hands-on verification from me of his growing desire? Am I back in high school? Yes, I think I am.

Epi-mono-logue

“Even before that little move to place my hand on his crotch, I didn’t think there would be a date #2. No spark. I remember that spark and I need it.

“I wish he hadn’t texted to ask me out again.

“I don’t want to ignore it. I know how awful it is to be ghosted. I’ll just have to text him and let him know I’m not feeling a connection.

“Next.”

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Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia