Favorite Things: Fall 2017 Edition

Fall 2017

  1. First Dates

Misery loves company and you know I’ve had some first date disasters. That’s why I enjoyed this first season of a TV show that lets you observe a real live first date (as real as it can be when people are watching). The couples are straight, gay, older, younger, and of various races. What’s most interesting to me is the variety of personalities and dating histories – from a guy who’s a medium to a gal who’s a virgin. At the end of each episode, you learn whether the couple wants to see each other again. By the way, not all of the dates are disasters.

The show, based on a British TV series of the same name and produced by Ellen DeGeneres, is available on Hulu and is streaming on a variety of services. No word yet on whether there will be a Season 2.

  1. A Mighty Love formerly The Tao of Indifference

Check out this blog by Demetrius on dating, relationships, and love. He tackles everything from dating success to where to go on dates to getting over a crush to dating someone who is seeing other people. I find his counsel to be well thought out.

  1. WizGear magnetic cell phone car mount

You know you shouldn’t hold your cell phone while you drive – even if you’re trying to use a GPS app. After a policeman gave me a warning for holding my phone while stopped at a light, I purchased this inexpensive cell phone car mount. WizGear is a magnetic device that easily attaches to a car’s air vents. The package comes with thin magnets that you place between your phone and the case. Then stick it on the WizGear. Voilà! View your phone’s turn-by-turn directions as if you were viewing a built in car GPS. Remember those?  Check it out and be safe.

  1. Meetways

You matched with a guy but he lives 60 miles away. He asks if you could meet in the middle somewhere. Who you gonna call? The answer: Meetways, a nifty website that allows you to find a halfway point. Just plug in two locations, your mode of travel, and the type of venue you’re interested in (e.g., wine bar). You’ll get a suggested list of places to meet. There’s also a mobile version. In addition to date planning, I have used Meetways to find a place to meet a far away friend.

  1. Better Things

I stumbled across Season 1 of Better Things while browsing on Hulu and wondered how I’d missed this fantastic and oh so real television show about a single mother raising her 3 daughters. So many of the scenarios are spot on: the difficulties of having privacy and a sex life when you’re a single mom; juggling work, kids, and an aging parent; being so good at the single life that you can’t imagine partnering again. Some of the plot twists and dialogue are a bit over the top. I overlook these because of the many powerful scenes, some without dialogue. Check out Season 1 on Hulu. Season 2 is on the FX cable station.

More info:

NPR: Better Things

The Atlantic: Better Things

  1. Calm

I never got over the bedtime story ritual. But sometimes listening to The Moth or Mortified podcasts before bed gets me wired rather than sleepy. That’s when I turn to deliberately boring and soothing sleep stories available on the Calm app. Find a narrator and a plot line that appeals and journey to dreamland. Other app features I have not yet tried include music and sounds to help you sleep or relax and guided meditation.

  1.  Tinder Takeover

Google Tinder takeover on YouTube and you’ll come up with videos of celebrities such as Megan Mullally of Will and Grace, Amy Schumer, and Seth Rogen taking over a mere mortal’s Tinder account. At least one writer thinks celebrity takeovers interfere with the chance of someone finding their perfect Match on Tinder. I think there are so many non- celebrities goofing on Tinder that we might as well enjoy the satire.

  1. Our Souls at Night

Jane Fonda and Robert Redford together again is reason enough to stream this movie on Netflix. I also liked the boldness of Fonda’s character and the depiction of both loneliness in older age and new “older” love.

  1. Sofar Sounds

I recently learned about Sofar Sounds house concerts. Since I haven’t been to a concert yet, this is a favorite thing to try. You can sign up to the service for free then browse the dates and general locations of upcoming concerts in a city of your choice. Sofar Sounds is currently active in 379 cities worldwide. If you want to go to a concert, you are entered into a “lottery.” If you are chosen, you’ll pay for tickets and will then be given the specific address of the venue. Many of the concerts are in private homes. Some of the musicians are well known, e.g., Ed Sheeran. For convenience, there’s now a Sofar Sounds app.

  1. Libby

Are you a reader who would like to save money on books but prefer to read on an e-reader such as Kindle? A new app called Libby connects your library card to your library’s electronic repository so you can e-read to your heart’s content. If you have library cards in more than one district or state, register each one. That way if there’s a hold on the book of your choice, you can try another library. Audible books are included. Libby has its own e-reader or you can ask Libby to send books to your Kindle.

What are your favorite things?

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

Anatomy of a Brief Encounter with Mr. Hot ‘n Cold

blox pix hot n cold october 8

Sometimes it’s tough to come up with a lesson  learned from a life experience. In a recent dating encounter, I thought I had a lesson in the “pros” of a woman being proactive, but alas there was no prize.

Join me in some Octoberish one pot creamy pumpkin penne while I present the facts. Perhaps some of the behaviors described will seem familiar to you online daters, whether you’re male or female. In a new feature of this blog, dating tips will be asterisked.

Last June, I matched with Mr. M on both Zoosk and Tinder. Mr. M wanted to chat with me on Zoosk so I sent him an opener. He responded and we volleyed briefly until he walked away from the game. My last message to him hung in the cloud and I wondered if my comment was lacking.

After a couple of days with no exchange, I unmatched Mr. M on Tinder and assumed our encounter was destined for the dating waste bin.

Then, unexpectedly in September, Mr. M “super liked” me on Tinder, signifying our third match.

Here’s what he wrote:

“Hi there! What a fantastic and charming smile. For a moment you look so familiar.”

Snide thought (in my head only): Of course I look familiar, this is the third time we have matched. I had documented our previous exchanges via screen shots* but I played it cool.

Hi, I wrote, I think we matched on another site.

“Well,” he responded, “we need to meet, have coffee or tea for a wonderful conversation soon.”

It’s always my goal to meet soon, I responded. Ignoring my archival screen shots, I asked him to refresh my memory and provide a brief profile. (Sometimes I ask guys with no profile for their elevator speech.*)

Two days later, I still had not gotten a response to my question. Feeling fed up with this guy’s behavior, I decided to give him a piece of my mind.

text to Mr M

Twenty minutes later, Mr. M wrote back to say that work had gotten in the way and asked if we could speak by phone.

I suggested he send me his number and said I would text him that evening to see if it was a good time to talk. This is my preferred method* of initiating a first phone call. My goal here is primarily to use a guy’s number to search for him online and to verify his identity. Searching a phone number* on Facebook or LinkedIn can often lead to a profile even if that number is not visible to the public.

Bingo. I found Mr. M on both social media outlets and his profile, resume, and photos were in sync with the earlier dating profiles he had created. He was an interesting man of many talents and interests and I felt he was worth pursuing despite our shaky communication start.

We had a good phone call and some follow-up texting using my *Google voice number. Two days later he invited me for a Friday night happy hour. He let me know the evening would be his treat. I appreciated that – no need to fumble over splitting/not splitting the cost.

Of course, Mr. M was late to our meeting/date but he both phoned and sent text updates from the stalled beltway. When he walked in, I was impressed with his height (6’3”) but since he was wearing a suit, I couldn’t assess whether his broad shouldered body type was fit, a factor that’s important to me.

We stayed at the bar for 3 hours, a long first date by most standards. Mr. M talked more than me (a general pattern with guys) but I liked that he showed his vulnerability and love of family. His body language (lots of arm touching and eye contact) conveyed that he was into me and I liked him too.

Although I was disappointed that the conversation was more about him, I anticipated a second date would show whether there could be a greater balance in our interaction. A second date would also help me decide about some potential red flags (a brief Vegas-stye second marriage that was annulled, some X-file type comments that intrigued me but had me wondering).

At one point, he asked if I was seeing someone. I said no and he said the same when I inquired about him. Later I wondered if I should have qualified that with “I’m in contact with several matches but not in an exclusive situation.”

Overall date score: B+. I felt chemistry and connection.

After Mr. M paid the bill, he said he didn’t want to leave and we ended up sitting for a bit by the jazz combo that was playing before he walked me to my car.

Surprisingly, he tried to shake my hand goodbye but I cut him off at the non-pass and went in for a kiss and hug. Quite nice. He walked away and came back for a repeat.

I had a short commute home but during that time Mr. M called me twice, which I took as a strong sign of his interest.

All good, right? I anticipated a second date with Mr. M so I was surprised when the next evening, he sent a text:

“Had a wonderful time last night am little afraid to start cause I don’t want to have another failed relationship…will call u later

Hope you are having a great day”

My first thought: WTF??? For the second time, I was compelled to give him a piece of my mind.

I focused on the fact that after one date, it was way too early to talk about a relationship or exclusivity, let alone the possibility of failure. I wrote him my heart is open to finding the right person despite the risks of it not working out. I ended the text by letting him know that I liked him.

A day later he responded with a typo-filled text. The gist was that he liked me but didn’t want to disappoint me and let me down if it didn’t work out.

I texted him that was still a lot to take in after one date and asked what he wanted to do. Later that night Mr. M wrote that he looked forward to seeing me again and “we will talk tomorrow.”

He phoned the next day. I asked him to explain his concerns. He said there were many issues –including not wanting to introduce someone to his daughters and then have it not work out. He wanted to know about getting together but I reminded him I had relatives in town. Then work interrupted him and we never finished the call.

He texted a couple of times after that but did not phone again. I was starting to mentally write him off but decided to do one last bold thing and invite him for a drink on Sunday afternoon. He said he had a work deadline for a project due the next day and suggested instead that we try for during the week.

I stayed cool and replied Okay, sounds good.

A week passed and no word. I decided he was a Mr. Hot ‘n Cold type, unmatched him on Tinder, and moved on mentally. Then 9 days after our last correspondence he sent a text (typos and missing words included):

blog screen shot M #2

This was disturbing. There was no explanation for the 9-day lapse. He wanted help with finding an apartment in MY TOWN. He mentioned hanging out FULL TIME. No, no, and no.

Remember, this is all after one date.

I didn’t know what Mr. M’s deal was but I wanted no part of it and blocked his number.

So did I learn the value of being bold and proactive? During my first exchange with Mr. M about his letting communication drop I worried that my behavior would backfire and turn him off. But it didn’t. He told me on our date that he liked my bold message. In a later communication, I didn’t care about being “too bold.” I was more interested in letting him know it was too early to talk about a relationship.

The whole bizarre encounter shows me (once again) of the crash and burn dating phenomenon: When guys are too gung ho in the very beginning, it’s often followed by a withdrawal. This burn part might play out for different reasons and for different lengths of time but the result is the same – an ending. Ladies, be wary* if a first date is “head over heels.” Watch for signs that he’s about to crash and burn.

Farewell Mr. M. Next!

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

Hello/Goodbye: The Art of Beginning and Ending a First Date

blox pix handshake

Have you ever thought about the hello/goodbye aspect of first dates? Second, third, and beyond dates are less problematic. As you work toward coupledom, you hopefully become more at ease with each other…and, at the least, you have a better sense of what feels right in terms of greetings and farewells.

Let’s review this important aspect of dating territory while we have a lovely green goddess crunch sandwich.

Greetings on my first dates have ranged from handshakes to hugs to the man standing up and pulling out my bar stool to cheek kisses to full-on mouth kisses. On the very first date I had while separated, I walked to meet Mr. H at an outdoor café. He lightly put his arms on my shoulders and planted a real kiss…I was surprised to say the least and since it was my first kiss of post-separation dating, felt strange. But then I was a newbie.

Much, much later I was to meet a first date at a small and charming indoor “mall” filled with antique stores and eclectic shops. We arrived at the same time and met in the parking lot. It was clear that we were attracted to each other. He smiled and said, “shall we get the kiss out of the way?” or something to that effect. I was at a loss for words but nodded yes, and then he kissed me…and kissed me well so that we had a rather long greeting.

“Well, we know we’ve got chemistry,” he said, and we walked into the mall where he managed to steal kisses in the nooks and crannies of stores, an empty event hall, etc.

But an initial greeting kiss tends to not be the norm. More likely, a guy will go in for the handshake. If my reflexes are on target, I’ll try to head him off at the non-pass and give him a friendly light hug instead. I look at a handshake as a greeting better suited for a work setting – or any non-dating situation.

What’s worse in my book is a handshake at the end of the date. Unless I’m repulsed by someone (it has happened) or I’m aware that the guy is not interested, I find a light goodbye hug is a better alternative.

If there’s chemistry, that’s a whole other story. Proviso: Chemistry does not necessarily equal a make-out session. I have encountered my fair share of shy guys. Sometimes I’ll make the first move, which could be a real (not light) hug or a kiss.

I make my choice based on my assessment of the mutual chemistry and how much I want to kiss or hug the guy. In one case, after a lengthy goodbye chat next to my car in a cold parking garage, I said to my date “Well, are you going to kiss me?” He was a bit shaken by my comment (I found out later he had Asperger’s syndrome) and managed to fumble a kiss (note: his technique improved on date #2).

At the other extreme, I have offered to drive a guy to his car in another part of the parking lot just so we could have a teenage make out session. Oy! At these times, I regret my small car’s bucket seats and lack of interior space.

For those dating newbies out there wondering about the greeting aspect of the date, just go with your gut. If you’re uncertain about converting a hello handshake to a light hug, don’t stress. Just accept the handshake. You’ll have more knowledge and another chance to express your feelings at the end of the date.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

Giving a Bad First Date a Second Chance

blog-post-2nd-date-chances-weinberg-pix

Happy Thanksgiving week! I’m busy eating leftovers so please enjoy this guest post by Julie Weinberg.

I never give a bad first date a second chance. It’s a rule I established long ago in my eight years of post-divorce dating. It stemmed from a series of bad second dates following bad first dates. I asked myself, why bother? I thought my gut reaction during a first date was pretty accurate so I just went with that.

I recently had an experience, though, that has me wondering if my rule is perhaps too rigid. My shift in position is based on an interaction rather than a date but I think the principle applies. Here’s the scenario.

I arrive at a meetup.com happy hour–wait, stop the story. You’ve never heard of meetup.com?! Finish reading and commenting on this post and then immediately go to meetup.com where you will find a bonanza of like-minded people of all age groups who share your interests and plan events around them. Whatever your hobby or favorite weekend activity (comedy clubs, bird watching, hiking, canasta, you name it), you will find groups of people making plans to do it. Best yet, it is almost always FREE!

Back to my story. While spending three weeks visiting the San Francisco Bay Area on vacation, I go to a meetup.com happy hour at a yacht club. Last interruption. Note: I am not even from the Bay Area but I searched meetup.com and found what I thought would be a really nice way to spend an evening when I had nothing else planned. I swear I am not getting paid by meetup.com to promote their site; I just think it is a fabulous resource for singles looking for fun things to do. On to the story…

I walk into the restaurant and meander over to an organized looking group of about 20 people and confirm it is my meetup group. I plant myself at a table of seven or eight people and sit next to an attractive gentleman. After he exchanges pleasantries with everyone at the table for a few minutes, Mr. Attractive turns his attention to me and we dive into a more private conversation. I like him. He’s quite funny and captivating. I am thinking I would definitely like to go out with him.

During a lull in our conversation, another man at the table makes a comment about his experience on match.com and now everyone joins in the conversation because we all have online dating stories. We talk about profiles and I say, “I am brutally honest in mine” and Mr. Attractive says, “That’s a red flag for me. Someone who says she is ‘brutally honest’ really just means to me she’s a rude bitch.”

The table gets quiet. I burst out laughing because I can’t believe how rude Mr. Attractive is being to me, right there in front of everyone. I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and, in my head, rename Mr. Attractive to Mr. Rude. Another woman also excuses herself, and we bond when she says, “I can’t believe what a jerk that guy was.”  We spend the rest of the evening getting to know each other and, despite Mr. Rude (or really because of him), I now have a girlfriend in the Bay Area.

A week later, while still in the Bay Area, I attend a big singles mixer at an extremely posh hotel. Two hundred plus people are in attendance. About an hour into the event, guess who comes up to me? That’s right. Mr. Attractive/Rude. I couldn’t believe it. Why would a man who announces to the world that he thinks I am a “rude bitch” be so bold as to make a second attempt at getting to know me?

Being a direct and honest midwestern girl, I cut him off and say, “I am not sure what you are thinking here, but after how rude you were to me last week I really don’t want to chitchat with you now.” He is flabbergasted. He has no idea he was rude and he wants to know what he said that made me feel that way. We proceed to spend the next hour dissecting the conversation, me telling him how I took his comment and he explaining what he meant. During this evening’s conversation, he is again engaging, funny, and apologetic. I start liking him again. By the end of the evening, he asks me out.

I was leaving the next day so the date didn’t work out but we agree to stay in touch and see each other the following month when I am back in the Bay Area.

More importantly than a potential date with Mr. Attractive/Rude, this experience got me to think about my “no second date” rule. By limiting a guy to a single coffee date, am I missing out on getting to know a really great guy? Maybe I am being too harsh. I am not sure, but over the course of the next few months I may soften my stance to see what happens. Stay tuned.

*To learn more about Julie, visit her website julieweinbergbooks.com or purchase her book, I Wish There Were Baby Factories.  

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

The Letdown

Blog post couple running

I’m in a bit of a letdown mode right now after a much-anticipated first date that fizzled.

Have a slice of chocolate cake with me. Nutrition can be damned today since I need some chocodorphins (endorphins created by chocolate).

It’s not that the date was terrible but the meeting revealed a lack of truth in advertising.

I matched with Mr. J on Tinder. He had zero profile information but a nice face. In one of his pictures, he sat in front of a microphone. It appeared he was a newscaster or radio personality. This was one reason I didn’t feel it was essential to talk to him on the phone before meeting. I assumed he did not have a voice like Truman Capote though there are some annoying “radio voices” out there.

He started our conversation with “Hi.” I had little to go on so I asked him whether he was a radio newscaster or played one on TV. The texting took off from there and didn’t stop until we met 24 hours later. It turns out he is in radio though not in my hometown so I had not heard him on air.

We acquired a brief sense of each other: marital history, Pandora stations we listen to, and what we like to do in our free time. I also learned that this was his first day on Tinder. Many men say, “I just joined.” But I believed Mr. J. He’d been divorced awhile and done online dating but hadn’t joined what he thought was a hook-up APP. I assured him it didn’t have to be and when he asked, “What’s a nice girl like you doing on Tinder?” I pointed out that my profile specified I was not looking for a hookup.

We flirted, one of my favorite aspects of dating. And, there were no dick pix! Plus Mr. J was polite. After the first few texts, he said he was about to sit down to dinner with his son and asked if he could text me later. I almost fainted. Most men just stop mid-text with no warning and no (or a sorry) explanation if they resumed the chat.

After Mr. J’s dinner, he jumped back online and we texted and flirted until my fingers started to cramp up. The interlude ended with a plan to meet for a drink the next evening.

Before we said good night, Mr. J said he felt butterflies as a result of our virtual encounter. I acknowledged having them too. You know the kind of butterflies – good ones that mean you’re excited about someone.

The next day I was an energizer bunny. I decided to take advantage of that electrical buzz that comes from an anticipated first date and clean my house from top to bottom. That’s what awesome texting chemistry can do for you.

I didn’t have time to get a mani-pedi but I dressed carefully and — even though I’m a half-inch taller than Mr. J — decided to wear heels.

I got to the restaurant bar first. I only had a 10-minute drive; he had 60 minutes. I ordered a glass of wine, which did wonders for my first date nerves. There was a cute younger guy sitting at the bar alone but I deliberately did not make eye contact since I was waiting for someone.

Mr. J arrived. Oh. A quick once-over revealed a very unfit, overweight man. Nice face but not my physical type. Hopes dashed. This is a deal breaker for me. I’m fine with a little belly and I don’t seek perfection but when a man has truly let himself go, I just can’t be attracted.

I spend a considerable time working out at the gym, swimming, walking, and eating healthy (aside from the occasional chocolate cake lapse-see above) so I need someone who’s on that same page and whose appearance reflects that.

So, like so many of life’s disappointments, you just have to muddle through. We had a nice hour-long chat but there was no flirting. When I returned from a restroom break, Mr. J said he should probably head back home.

Later that evening, he texted me to say he arrived safely. Then he wrote, “I have this feeling you did not feel a spark.” “Sadly, that is true,” I replied. “I wish it were otherwise because I think you’re a great guy.” He thanked me and wished me luck. Polite to the end!

The next morning I was a used up energizer bunny – woefully in need of a charge. That’s what the rollercoaster dating life can do to you. I made a sign and put it on my desk:

Blog pix Ask for recent full body pix

 

 

It’s been a couple of days and I’m back to my upbeat self – helped by a couple of irons in the fire.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating. Or, as a new friend says, “happy solo honoring time.”

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

First Dates

blog post high heel sneakers

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about first dates. This is not unexpected because I have a lot of first dates. And I don’t mean I have a lot of dates… just a lot of FIRST dates. Obligatory sigh.

Do you get hungry after reading the lead paragraph of my posts? If you are a faithful reader, you have been conditioned to expect a mouth-watering recipe at this point. So, enjoy a bowl of tortellini with snap peas and pesto (with or without the mint) while we discuss first dates. And, if you’re not a faithful reader, sign up!

There’s a lot of emotion wrapped up in a first date and a lot of inner monologue that takes place.

I’ve had a few dreadful first dates, a number of boring/mediocre ones, and some good and great ones. The irony is that a great first date doesn’t necessarily lead to a great second encounter, let alone a dating relationship.

It’s always fun to review the bad first dates…even when they’re not #10 on the horrific scale.

I recall a date with Mr. A, a nice but unbelievably boring man, I met for a drink after work. As a naïve new divorcée, I agreed to meet Mr. A despite our rather lackluster phone call. I should have known that struggling for conversation on the phone is a likely predictor of a painful first date. And painful it was. We ended up in a conversation loop about our kids, his new retirement, my hoped for retirement. No chemistry. No pizazz to the conversation. Only the wine made the brief date tolerable.

At the 45-minute point, I realized I was starving. The smells of pesto were tempting me. Mr. A asked if I wanted to get some food. I couldn’t imagine sitting there for another second. So, despite my grumbling tummy, I said I needed to walk my daughter’s dog. In fact, my canine care services were not needed that day.   I hated resorting to a white lie but could not think of an alternative and kind excuse.

The next day I was surprised when Mr. A emailed me to ask me out again. Was he unaware of the awkwardness and poor connection? This time I was direct and said I didn’t think we were a match.

One other bad date sticks in my mind. I met a Mr. B (I can’t remember his name so B is for Bad) at Politics and Prose for a lunchtime date. When I arrived, Mr. B was at a table drinking a coffee. After I greeted him (oh, disappointment – he was much older and much shorter than his profile and photos indicated), I asked, “Have you eaten?” “Yes,” he said. “Well, I didn’t have lunch so I’m going to grab a light bite,” I replied.

He didn’t offer to get me something or even wait in line with me. Yes, on a first date, I like that (though I always offer to pay half of whatever the joint bill is). So, given his age, height, and lack of chivalry, I didn’t have much hope.

When I returned to the table, we chatted (cocktail party get-to-know-you conversation) but he kept checking out every woman who walked by. Not that I wanted to lock eyes with him but I found it annoying and disrespectful. When I learned during the conversation that he had 7 cars I was even more annoyed that he hadn’t offered to at least pay for my tea. You can call me old fashioned in this regard.

Mr. B and I had nothing in common and after a painful 35 minutes, I said I needed to leave to prepare for a dinner party (a half–truth since I had company coming for dinner but plenty of time to prep).

And then there are the good first dates. He looks good. He looks better than his pictures. He smiles and is engaged. There is obvious, easy chemistry and connection. Conversation flows. He hasn’t yet revealed himself to be a narcissist.

He knows how to kiss – discovered at the end, possibly the middle, and sometimes at the very beginning of the date. He might rub your feet (yes, this happened), you might go to a second venue just to extend the evening (at his request), or you might go for a drink and then a walk.

You might be asked for a second date at the end of date #1 or you might be asked the next day. The date might last 3 hours or it might last 6.

The first date might be the beginning of a relationship or just the beginning of a short dating interval until it is clear that he’s not the right one. Regardless, it’s a good or great first date.

So, dear readers, hope for the best when you’re putting on your high heel sneakers in advance of date #1. Yes, on a scale of 1 to 10, it could end up being a zero but it might be a 20.

Anything can happen.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Romance and Music: A Memory Playbook

Blog concert

Music is the shorthand of emotion, Leo Tolstoy

 

I was driving the other day when Michael Buble’s version of Feeling Good came on the radio. It only took a few notes for me to flashback to my first out-of-the-divorce-box relationship.

I would guess that most of you have collected a playbook of songs that are associated with a particular romance in your life. A song may have been playing on the radio at the time you were involved, or the lyrics captured the essence of your relationship, or perhaps you were stuck on that song during your love fest and it became forever associated with that time in your life.

Whatever the reason for the association, when that song is played, you time- travel back to that relationship and to your love interest. The length of time you need to travel and the quality of both the romance and the break-up will determine whether the song triggers feelings of melancholy, sadness, anger, or fondness.

Sit with me, have some grilled flatbread with mushrooms, ricotta, and herbs, and let’s run through my playbook.

Feeling Good is a classic starting over song. Just sample the lyrics:

It’s a new dawn

It’s a new day

It’s a new life

For me

And I’m feeling good.

No wonder this song was a perfect fit for my first post-divorce relationship with Mr. K, a widower. I even sent him a link to the YouTube video. Unfortunately, Mr. K wasn’t quite ready for a new day so the song reminds me of the dangers of getting involved with someone who has not moved on.

Come to Me, the Goo Goo Dolls

Love, starting over, marriage, eternity….all the classic themes for a relationship with Mr. M – or so I thought: 

Come to me my sweetest friend


Can you feel my heart again


I’ll take you back where you belong


And this will be our favorite song


Come to me with secrets bare


I’ll love you more so don’t be scared


And when we’re old and near the end


We’ll go home and start again 

Unfortunately, Mr. M and I weren’t compatible on an emotional or physical level. We both wanted a sweetest friend but not with each other.

Ghostbusters theme, Ray Parker Jr.

This one is a cheat because my relationship with Mr. D didn’t have a song. But since he ghosted me and was possibly a cheat, I’m adding it to my playbook. 

If there’s something weird

and it don’t look good

Who ya gonna call?

GHOSTBUSTERS

The Man Who Can’t be Moved, The Script

I discovered this song when I first met Mr. L and sent it to him soon after we met…just because I loved the melody and, as a hopeful romantic, I’m a sucker for stories of yearning and lost love.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,


Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I’m not gonna move,


Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,


Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,


Some try to hand me money they don’t understand,


I’m not broke I’m just a broken hearted man,


I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,


How can I move on when I’m still in love with you

Mr. L was not ready for undying love – still separated; he had more wild oats to sow before he gave his heart to someone.

Our House, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

This song goes way back to my marriage. It was a song of the times – post Woodstock, still hippie, still sometimes high, organic, long hair, vegetarian, young and relatively free.

I’ll light the fire, you place the flowers in the vase that you bought today.

Staring at the fire for hours an hours while I listen to you

Play your love songs all night long for me, only for me.

This classic song endures but, as you know, the marriage did not.

Now, for something sarcastic and fun, here are some songs for a few of the one-date wonders in my life over the past few years.

For the seldom available narcissist:

You’re so Vain

For the guy who can’t stop talking about money

Bills, bills, bills

For the liar (profile, photo, etc.):

All Men are Liars

For the handsome one you know is trouble:

Cowboy Casanova

Four songs for all the single ladies:

Single

Single Ladies

Men in this Town

Independent Women

What songs are in your playbook?

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia