Hoping you take that jump and don’t fear the fall, “I Lived,” by OneRepublic
With all the Halloween fuss this time of year, I have been thinking a lot about fear. I’m not talking about fear of ghosts and goblins –but fear of dating, relationships, love, and intimacy.
I have my share of fears. Heights, high water (poor swimming ability), floor toilets in Italy, Donald Trump. The list goes on – but it doesn’t include dating or relationships.
After my divorce, I was nervous and scared about dating and the possibility of a new relationship. After all, I hadn’t been on a date in almost 40 years.
There was the fear of rejection, of building and sustaining a relationship (will I know what to talk about?), of finding love and losing it or having it end miserably. The whole process of searching for and keeping a mate seemed pretty scary at that time. Marriage wasn’t even on my radar but I knew I wanted men in my life and maybe one day, a special man.
As I dipped my toe into the world of post-divorce dating, time and time again, my fears lessened and my confidence increased. No longer did I need anti-anxiety medication and a Wonder Woman stance before a first “meeting” with an online match.
Now my biggest fear is that I won’t find that special guy. I try to keep this fear at bay by trying new dating sites and activities to expand my world and introduce more possibilities and a greater chance I’ll find Mr. Right.
But what about women who are stuck in the first phase of fear – the phase that keeps them from getting into the game of dating even after a lengthy time of healing? Life is short and I worry about those who want love but are afraid to go after it. (I’m not talking about women who are simply not interested in a romantic relationship and find happiness in a life of family, friends, interests, and activities.)
This Halloween, if you are afraid of spiders, witches, ghosts — and love, I hope you’ll listen to I Lived and ask whether you are “owning every second that this world could give.” And most of all, I hope you take that jump even if you fear the fall, even if you fall.
Let me know if you do. All comments are appreciated!
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Until next week, happy dating or not dating.