Hoping you take that jump and don’t fear the fall, “I Lived,” by OneRepublic

With all the Halloween fuss this time of year, I have been thinking a lot about fear. I’m not talking about fear of ghosts and goblins –but fear of dating, relationships, love, and intimacy.

Do you suffer from this fear? Have you taken the jump despite the possibility of falling? Cue I Lived by OneRepublic and eat a scary lunch of Eyeball pasta.

I have my share of fears. Heights, high water (poor swimming ability), floor toilets in Italy, Donald Trump. The list goes on – but it doesn’t include dating or relationships.

After my divorce, I was nervous and scared about dating and the possibility of a new relationship. After all, I hadn’t been on a date in almost 40 years.

There was the fear of rejection, of building and sustaining a relationship (will I know what to talk about?), of finding love and losing it or having it end miserably. The whole process of searching for and keeping a mate seemed pretty scary at that time. Marriage wasn’t even on my radar but I knew I wanted men in my life and maybe one day, a special man.

As I dipped my toe into the world of post-divorce dating, time and time again, my fears lessened and my confidence increased. No longer did I need anti-anxiety medication and a Wonder Woman stance before a first “meeting” with an online match.

Now my biggest fear is that I won’t find that special guy. I try to keep this fear at bay by trying new dating sites and activities to expand my world and introduce more possibilities and a greater chance I’ll find Mr. Right.

But what about women who are stuck in the first phase of fear – the phase that keeps them from getting into the game of dating even after a lengthy time of healing? Life is short and I worry about those who want love but are afraid to go after it. (I’m not talking about women who are simply not interested in a romantic relationship and find happiness in a life of family, friends, interests, and activities.)

This Halloween, if you are afraid of spiders, witches, ghosts — and love, I hope you’ll listen to I Lived and ask whether you are “owning every second that this world could give.” And most of all, I hope you take that jump even if you fear the fall, even if you fall. 

Let me know if you do. All comments are appreciated!

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Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia