The dreaded words: dating dry spell. We’ve all had them and I’m in one right now. The weekend is here. I’m writing a blog focused heavily on dating. And I don’t have any dates lined up.
Coincidentally I saw an old episode of Sex and the City while working out at the gym. Carrie Bradshaw just happens to be in a dry spell too. “I’m in a dating desert,” she complains. “They’re gonna have to change the name of my column to just “…and the City.”… Last night I actually started writing about my sock drawer. Men as socks. “Socks and the City.”
I don’t plan to write about socks. There must be other alternatives! With no dates on the immediate horizon, I am trying to remember that these spells don’t last forever. In fact, since by definition, they happen after you have stopped dating someone, I plan to seize the moment to pause and reflect. Then, after a decent period of relationship mourning (short relationship, short mourning), I’m going to try to get some positive energy.
With more time on our hands, we can have a long lunch of herbed green pea soup with a crusty loaf of bread, and a glass of sauvignon blanc (we’re in a dating dry spell – we deserve wine).
Here are my survival tips for a dating dry spell. This is a perfect time to update your profile and photos. I just did that after receiving some feedback from a man on OkCupid. He had reached out to me but was 20 years too young and 2 inches too short. We ended up chatting online and I offered some edits to his profile which he greatly appreciated since he had grown up in another country and felt his writing skills needed improving. I figured turn-about is fair play so I asked him for some feedback on my profile. He had some good suggestions, which I then incorporated into all 3 of my dating profiles (OkCupid, Match, Plenty of Fish).
Mr. 40 something recommended a new introduction to my “about me” section. He said my list of attributes was too run-of-the-mill and I should write something that better reflects what I am passionate about. He also suggested I answer the OkCupid question about the most private thing I’m willing to admit. It doesn’t have to be about something sexual, he said, just something that provides a glimpse into who I am. Time will tell whether these profile updates bring me some good prospects.
While working on your profile is always good, a dating dry spell should not just be about how to date again. It should also be a time for personal renewal. On cue, my dating dry spell coincides with spring. Take some time to enjoy nature. I am planning two different field trips to see the Cherry Blossoms in DC and Maryland. Wherever you live, find a garden in bloom or a park trail where you can re-energize and also think about constructive and fun things to do.
While you’re walking or biking on your nature outing, you’re also exercising. A dating dry spell is a great time to ramp up your physical activity. Increase your endorphin levels with a favorite or new activity. Have you tried hula hooping as an adult? It’s lots of fun and good for your waist.
Not necessarily fun, but definitely constructive – get ready for spring and good things ahead by cleaning out your wardrobe. Move those winter duds to their usual off-season storage and toss anything that needs to be retired from lack of use or overuse.
Then, go shopping for at least one new item. Shopping can be therapeutic – just don’t go wild. If funds are low, head to a consignment, thrift shop. I do some of my best shopping at Reddz, a local DC-area vintage and designer consignment store.
It goes without saying that you should get together with friends – old and new. Re: new friends — I have committed to some of my Meetup group events over the next couple of weeks.
Schedule some activities just for you. This is a good time to strengthen your inner resources by planning and enjoying some alone time. Go to the movies by yourself. I have never done this but I’m waiting for the next rainy day to try it out.
What about a short road trip – all by yourself? I have driven to the beach – but relatives or friends were waiting for me there. What about a road trip with no predetermined soft landing of relatives? Stay overnight for a day or two to see what it’s like. If you’re shy like me, pretend you’re not and see if you can connect with some other tourists or locals. Perhaps there’s a local Meetup gathering you could attend.
Consider this experience a test for a possible BIG vacation as a solo traveler. A lot of women are doing this and blogging about it. See: Finding the Gypsy in Me
You can’t count on always being in a relationship when you want to go somewhere new. As a young woman, my sister went on a solo journey to Europe. She had a great time and also met her future husband there…. so there are advantages!
Solo traveling is about being bold. Think of other ways you can step out of your comfort zone. When you’re on your nature walk, instead of taking a selfie in front of a blossoming tree, ask a handsome stranger to take your picture. Just say you’re not very good at taking selfies. See what happens. If nothing, at least you will have a good picture you can send me so I can witness your boldness.
This reminds me of another strategy for conquering a dating dry spell. Be accountable for whatever new adventure you plan. Tell a friend your idea or send me a comment with your intention. I find that writing down a goal is motivating. Similarly, writing this blog is motivating me to try new things – so I can write about it – and hopefully help you.
Here’s a recap of strategies to survive a dating dry spell:
- Update your dating profile (s) and photos.
- Focus on personal renewal
- Make time to be outside in nature
- Get ready for spring by cleaning out your clothes closet
- Shop for at least one new or gently used item
- Get together with new and old friends
- Plan and enjoy alone time – activities, travel
- Be bold and step out of your comfort zone to meet new people
- Be accountable – tell me what you are going to do