An Odd Affliction plus Dating and Non-Dating Adventures

blog tango

It’s early evening and I’m reflecting on this past busy week while sipping wine with a straw. No, it’s not a new trend in drinking and in case any horrified sommeliers are wondering, my straw is not even made from glass. Excuse me while I digress and delete the profile of a God-fearing scammer who just messaged me. Just like swatting mosquitos.

Before I tell you about my week and explain the wine with a straw, let’s share some Passover-themed matzo brei . I like to add chopped fresh spinach or chard to the mixture before cooking. Have some wine too. Straw optional.

Dating Adventures 

Since this blog has a focus on dating, I’ll start with a review of current dating prospects. On Tuesday, after deleting and reporting two Coffee Meets Bagel scammers, I “matched” with Mr. A, a real life non-scammer! He sent a clever opening question and we bantered a bit (my favorite) while I skillfully directed our conversation to an in-person meeting over a glass of wine (no, this is not the straw story).

We exchanged phone numbers and email addresses, which is why I’m pretty sure Mr. A is a real boy! Man, that is, though he is younger. Since Mr. A’s email address is his name, it was easy to Google him. His pictures and profile lined up. We’re meeting this week.

If you know me, please don’t ask me about this date. Mr. A could revoke me before we meet or we could have a one-date relationship. I’ll tell you IF/WHEN there is anything worth reporting. Even if this date goes nowhere, I’m enjoying a feeling of HOPE.

Other dating prospects fell by the wayside due to catfishing/scamming, illiteracy, religious dogma, height, and one-sided Bumble interrogation. With the BUMBLE dating app, if both parties like each other, only the woman can initiate a conversation. The man I matched on Bumble this week responded to my initial message but didn’t ask me a question back. So I served a couple more times; he wouldn’t volley. He answered my questions but failed to ask one thing about me – or even comment on my profile or photo. So finally, feeling angry, I asked him what he liked in my profile. After a day, he responded: reading, music, and cooking. I was tempted to say, “Are you the strong, silent type or do you just have trouble typing on tiny phone keyboards?” Instead, I asked, “Do you like those three things too? What type of music do you enjoy?” I’m waiting for a response. I may have to use my strong, silent line if this goes on much longer. I am losing patience.

Non-Dating Adventures

I am classed out (not outclassed, you snide ones). Last Sunday, I went to my hip-hop dance class. Yes, I’m the oldest in the class and have to temper certain moves based on orthopedic issues but still, there’s nothing like channeling your inner Beyoncé once in a while. I call my version, Twerk Lite.

Then on Tuesday, I tried out a beginning Tango class with a female friend. The class consisted of two couples; my friend; an advanced female student helper; Sergio, the Argentinian teacher; and me. When Sergio partnered with me, he came up to my mid-chest. Not the stuff of romantic dreams. Height aside, I found tango more challenging than hip-hop.

On Wednesday, in an effort to improve my pathetic swimming skills, I test-swam a swimming instructor. I’m not sure we’re a fit since she had a very unique way of doing the free style. It may be so unique as to be unheard of in swimming circles. Still, it was a nice reminder of the joys of swimming and the coming summer season.

My final class of the week was Spanish.   No body movement in this one – other than to furiously rifle through the text to check an answer in anticipation of being called on. It’s a déjà vu experience to be in a Spanish class again after so many years. Most of my classmates are in the boomer age range. For the first half dozen classes, we felt nervous and confused (also because the teacher is not that good). Now, we’re more confident and, just as important, we laugh and enjoy an easy camaraderie.

The Kicker of This Story

¿Por qué estaba bebiendo vino con una paja? (Why was I drinking wine with a straw?). I overdosed on chewing gum and lemon. An odd combination but I was trying to curb my appetite and eat lightly and found myself chewing packs of gum and putting extraordinary amounts of lemon juice on enormous salads. The combination of the acidic lemon and the sweet gum gave me what can only be described as a nasty inflamed taste bud. Hence, the wine with a straw.

What I’m really worried about is that, when I meet Mr. A this week, and should the mood be right, I won’t be able to kiss him properly.

Now, that would be a hardship.

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Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

 

 

 

 

How to Handle the Top 11 Dating Types

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Have your single friends ever sighed, downed that last sip of wine, and asked in frustration, “Where are all the God-Fearing men?” Unlikely? I can tell you these men are camped out by my dating profile, in line behind all the other distinctive online dating types. (Side note: I may be easing off the online dating life but I haven’t given this tactic up.)

It may be related to my current jaded perspective but within 5 seconds I can easily characterize a prospective love interest’s “type.” It’s not genomics science. Will you join me in some potato pizza with kale pesto while I share my guide to online dating types and suggested approaches for handling them? These men are scarily similar to real life dating types.

Mr. Hot ‘n Cold

Mr. Hot ‘n Cold can’t seem to decide whether he wants to date. One date never progresses to two. And yet, he keeps viewing you. Or Mr. HNC may have reached out to say he likes you but “you live too far away to date.” Despite this, he keeps looking at your profile. Approach: Ignore.

The Perfect Man

Ivy League Schools. World Traveler. Trophied athlete. Hobnobs with celebrities. Charity events. Grade A physique. Too perfect to be real. You guessed it. Scammer. Approach: If you have proof of scamming/catfishing – report and block.

Short Man in Vegas

These men are half or all the way across the country and do not match you on anything. They write a sweet note and comment appropriately on your profile but there’s no hope of a future here. Approach: Write a nice email saying thanks but no thanks.

OMG: The God-Fearing Man

Nothing in your profile screams religion is an overriding force in your life and yet you may attract men who call themselves God-Fearing, are searching for eternal love, and list the Bible first on a list of things they can’t do without. Perhaps you are just “blessed” with a devout smile. Approach: Ignore.

The Eliterit Eeleterate Illiterate Man

He means well but if your inner editor surfaces every time he writes or says something, this is not the guy for you. Approach: Ignore. 

The Hot Rodding Fisherman

Ten photos, 5 of his 1968 Plymouth Road Runner with 426 Street hemi, 5 of him holding a prize Marlin, and one blurry main photo of 6 guys. Approach: Respond if you like cars and fish; ask for another picture.

Baby Bear

He’s two scores younger, confident, and hunky. His philosophy: age is not a barrier. Approach: with caution; consider his older brother.

The Depressed Loner

His screen name is Lonelyboy911, he’s shy, and he hasn’t dated in 10 years. Home is a small rural town. Approach: Be kind and thank him for his note but move on.

The Player

He’s always online, lets you know right away that sex is very important to him, and even specifies his fetishes. Approach: Avoid, avoid, avoid.

The Picky Man

His profile is 90% about his bad dating experiences, what he doesn’t want, and a list of attributes/interests that are essential to him. Approach: Delete and block.

The Questioner

This one can’t wait to ask how long you have been on a particular dating site. It’s often his first or second question, which is followed by, what has been your experience with dating online, and are you having any luck? Is he worried you are past your shelf life? Or is he suffering from a lack of imagination and these are the only questions he can come up with? Approach: Call him on it. Ask why he is interested in your dating memberships and point out that the important point is that you are online now.

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Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia