First Dating Rant of 2018

blog pix angry bird

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks calling out men who behave badly, rejecting men who are not for me, wondering whether I’m too picky or whether I’m not picky enough.  In other words, this has been a typical couple of weeks in the life of a sometimes-dating boomer. Then I read a survey that says women and men in their 60s are having the best sex of their lives. This is not uplifting when you don’t currently have a partner. To top it off, I keep getting Valentine’s Day ads and announcements.

Can you sense a rant coming on? Join me in a healthy five layer dip snack for the Super Bowl or any time while I detail examples of these annoyances.

#1 Men Behaving Badly

Remember Mr. Hot N’ Cold otherwise known as Mr. M? I cringe to admit he briefly resurfaced and I’m to blame for encouraging him albeit in a lukewarm way (love those temperature metaphors).

To bring you up to date, I discovered that the voicemails of people whose numbers you block live on in a blocked section of your voicemails. About a month ago, I listened to Mr. M’s last voicemail. It was nice and harmless enough and I decided that maybe he wasn’t a stalker just a poor texter. That doesn’t excuse other problems including his lack of follow through and long absences. I wasn’t about to reach out to Mr. M but filed away a less negative impression of him.

Then unexpectedly, Mr. M resurfaced on Zoosk, one of the sites we had communicated on. He “viewed” me, which is the real life equivalent of a flirting glance. I agonized about whether I should “view” him back but I was feeling a lack of male company and decided to cast my fate to the dating gods.

He responded by sending me a nice message through the site and asked if we could get together. I said I would think about it and let him know I was hesitant due to his previous communications and behavior. “I can understand that,” he wrote and asked if he could have a do-over. Later that day, I message him that we could have a drink sometime. This is when the leopard’s spots reappeared.

The evidence via messages:

January 4:

Nadia: Okay, we can meet for a drink some time.

January 6:

M: okay will look at my schedule to fit into  yours

Nadia: Okay (smiley face)

Friday, January 19:

Comment: Notice the time span. No response from Mr. M after 13 days. So I messaged him (I know what you’re thinking):

Nadia: Hi, Not sure if I misinterpreted your last message, but I thought you were going to suggest a day to meet. Anyway, thought I would check in to say that.

About 4:30 p.m. on January 19th:

M: I got back in town thursday. was overseas working. What are you doing this evening

January 19 (continued):

I didn’t see his message on the site and then he phoned me. I missed his call. He left a voicemail and I called him back 30 minutes later.

Again, note the timespan. I returned his call on Jan. 19. On Feb. 2, he sent me a message through Zoosk saying he’d been traveling for work, then had to attend an out of town funeral, and after that “things were on the move with work locally.”   “I will try and call you shortly,” he wrote.

“I don’t think that explains why you didn’t return my call of 2 weeks ago…you were in town then,” I replied. “It seems like you are playing a game, perhaps just being a breadcrumber – look up this dating term. It describes the way you have behaved with me.”

Epilogue: As expected, there was no response from Mr. M. This is finally the end of the Mr. Hot N’ Cold story unless it’s not.

#Rejecting Men who are Not for Me

Last month I went out with a very nice man, Mr. ZZ, despite the fact he had the same first and middle names as my ex. That was almost enough to put me off but I decided to go for it. Based on his photos, I was worried I wouldn’t be attracted to him. I thought, “Maybe I’m too picky” and agreed to meet for a happy hour.

We had a “pleasant” time, no conversation lapses but it started to feel a bit strained toward the end of the hour. There was not a whiff of chemistry on my part. He didn’t have the kind of male energy that I like.

I sensed Mr. ZZ liked me but I could tell he was shy and at the end of our date he shook my hand goodbye. He viewed me several times over the next few days but did not reach out for a second date. I think he was waiting for me to “view” him back but I didn’t want to encourage him. I vacillated a couple of times and thought maybe I should give it another go but ultimately let it fade away.

#Wondering whether I’m too Picky

See above encounter with Mr. ZZ.

#Wondering whether I’m not Picky Enough

I could cite any of a number of conversations with men whom I clearly have little in common with other than we are both breathing.

#People in their 60s are having the best sex

Send one of the men surveyed directly to me.

#Valentine’s Day Hype

I suggest an alternate “Galentines” Day for women to celebrate with friends.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

 

Random Rants, Observations, and Questions

woman screaming blog pix

This year, I’m not in a mood to write a sarcastic singles holiday letter but I feel a need to vent, observe, and comment on the current dating scene.

Let’s chow down on some one pot kale and quinoa pilaf while indulging in an end of the year wrap up.

*Is it sad that I recognize the screen names of some of the online guys that I frequently pass by on my way to bigger, better matches? When one of the “passed overs” sends me a message, a wink, or favorites me I don’t even need to open up the dating site. I already know who it is. They and I have been online too long.

*I realize that when a dating site sends you a match based on who you have previously interacted with, it’s really their version of computer “cookies:”

Hey, Nadia, we saw you browsing and you put OneHotGuy in your cart but didn’t check out. It’s not too late but perhaps you’d like AbsLikeSteel instead. Click through to his profile. 

*What is the motivation behind a guy’s frequent expressions of interest without following up? So many of them send “canned” dating site generated comments but never write a personal email.

I used to think it was a guy’s way of bookmarking me or testing me to see if I was interested. But these types of interactions never go anywhere and I continue to wonder what motivates these men.

*How can catfishers and identity thieves be so stupid? I can identify them with one eye closed…a professional photo of a very attractive man dressed to the 10s and an uncommonly spelled name, e.g., Micheal.

*How do you gracefully stop communicating with a guy after you ask him to post or send an additional picture and the one he sends confirms your suspicions that you could not stand to kiss him. I find that a lot of guys have one poor quality headshot (or half a headshot) and no full body pictures. Some ignore my request for more photos or make a silly excuse why they can’t send any. Others send a bad selfie or an obviously old photo, which gives me enough info to know there is no attraction.

The last time a guy sent me a selfie I waited a couple of days and said I had met someone and wanted to see where it would go but the real reason is that I had zero attraction to the guy. Is there a better explanation that is also kind?

*I hate Zoosk’s Carousel feature in which you scroll through photos of men. The problem? No profile or basic information is visible. All you get is a photo and the guy’s age. Inevitably most of the matches that result don’t work. A typical match might be a smoker who lives 300 miles away and is separated – hitting three of my deal-breakers. I know guys on Tinder and Bumble don’t always have profiles but some of them do and sometimes you’ll at least see a location, where a guy works, and where he went to school.

OurTime has a feature similar to Carousel but it allows you to see a man’s profile before deciding if you want to meet.

*What if you ended a first date by rating the person and sharing that assessment — like what you do at the end of a Lyft ride?

Here’s what the dating sites and apps could add to the phone interface:

On a scale of 1 to 5, how would you rate your date’s

*Attentiveness and engagement

*Profile accuracy

*Cleanliness/grooming/manners

*Chemistry with you

Would you go out with this person again?

You and your date answer the questions and you immediately see each other’s responses. No awkward wondering, does he/she like me?

*When a guy says he’s a simple man, is he saying he’s unsophisticated, foolish or mentally impaired or does he mean he’s able to find happiness in the smaller things in life. Hard to know. So many of the men I encounter appear to fit the first definition.

*I have noticed that guys who appreciate antiques, old cars, 70s music, etc. tend to not be so picky about dating a woman of a certain age. One could say they like the classics.

Do any of these resonate with you? What are your rants, observations, and questions?

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

I Wish I’d Said or Written…

blog pix I wish I'd said

How many situations have you been in that called for a swift verbal kick to the other party’s butt but you were too stunned or tired to think of a retort?

Join me in some tasty and easy shrimp scampi while I stroll down a memory lane populated by bad first dates, bad dating profiles and profile photos, and bad dating email exchanges. Let’s feast upon the things I wish I’d said or written or even just flat out initiated based on the situation. Color me snarky.

When for the third time, an online match decided there was yet another deal breaker in our potential romance, I wish I’d written:

I’m looking for someone who looks for dealmakers…not breakers. Perhaps you should revise your profile to say no carpe diem.

When a first date put his phone on the table, face up, crossed his arms, and began a monologue about his boring job after reviewing his recent surgeries and other medical issues, I wish I’d said:

I can appreciate your enthusiasm for your job and the challenges posed by surgery, however, this conversation feels very one sided and I prefer to table discussions about health and medical issues until after a first meeting.

When a man wrote in the About me section of his profile, “Taller slender white female with athletic body” but left the About the one I’m looking for section blank, I wish I’d written:

If you’re a tall female, you really should change your photo to reflect that. Or perhaps you need to proofread your profile?

When I told a guy he was too far away to consider and he wrote:

August 10 10 24 pm I do travel

I wish I’d written: Say what? 

When I read a guy’s Tinder profile and it said:

sensitive parts August 10 10 15

I wish we had matched. I would have written:

I just had to say yes to such an intelligent and sensitive guy.

When I found another carefully written and edited profile:

August 4 8 21 God fearing lady

I wish I’d written: I can appreciate your religiosity, however, I’m looking for a typo fearing man rather than a God fearing lady.

When a man on Match wrote to me “Your tag name is interesting. Does it relate to the country,” I wish that, instead of ignoring him,

I’d written back to say: What country? My screen name is pretty self explanatory in terms of what it relates to. What did you like in my profile? 

When I browsed through a man’s profile photos and noticed all of them showed him with his arm around a woman, I wish I’d written:

If that’s your sister in three of your photos, you should say so.

When I read a guy’s profile and it stipulated he only wants to meet women 35 to 45, I wish I had written to him:

I see I’m too old for you based on your age preferences. However, I’m still 5 years younger than you.

When I found yet another profile of a soldier with a gun, I wish I’d written:

Is that an AK47 in your pix? Then, I’d insert a peace sign emoji.

When a man’s profile photo showed him shirtless in bathing trunks with scuba gear, one leg up in a pin-up pose (judge for yourself), I wish I’d referenced the glamour shot in my message. Oh wait, I did.

scuba glamour shot 2

scuba glamour shot response

Send me your recent retorts! Snarkiness loves company.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

 

 

You Know You’ve Been Dating Online for Too Long When…

blog pix june 24

Whether you’ve been online for 6 months or 6 years, had 10 or 100 first dates, and progressed to assorted numbers of second dates and actual relationships (short or long term), you may reach a point where you are tempted to give it up.

Possible triggers include a heinous ghosting episode, an increasing lack of suitable partners, or the propensity of many men to window shop as a way of life.

Join me in some Turkish chickpea burgers as we review specific signs that you may be at or have already reached your breaking point:

You’ve been online too long when:

*You can remember the early days of Bumble when there was only one worker bee available.

*You have saved and checked enough photos on Google Image Search or Veracity mobile image search to fill an FBI most wanted file.

*You know that when a man says his age is 60 but he’s willing to date women up to age 75, he’s actually 76.

*Similarly, you know when a man says he’s 6’ tall, he’s actually 5’8.”

*Checking the online dating sites every morning and night is as mindless as brushing your teeth but without a guaranteed reward like a healthy mouth.

*You immediately shut down any guy who asks, “How long have you been on this site?”

*Being “favorited” is now one of your least favorite things, because it usually means you have been bookmarked and soon forgotten.

*You know not to take a man at his word when his profile says he likes to listen as much as talk.

*You have a new lexicon of dating terms: breadcrumbing, ghosting benching, swiping, etc.

*Dating terminology starts to affect everyday speech. When someone asks, “Do you have a match?” you don’t search through a drawer, you start to daydream about the guy you reached out to on Match.

*Your main reason for acquiring new Facebook friends is to increase your ‘stable’ of possibilities on Tinder, Bumble, and other Facebook-based apps.

*You immediately know when there’s a new guy on one of the dating sites because you are so familiar with the membership.

*Your inner editor is working overtime to correct such spelling or proofreading gaffes as “love the autdoors.”

*The bartenders at your favorite first date spots know what you’re drinking before you order.

*You’ve been filmed kissing dates goodbye on so many parking lot cams, that attendants are bringing popcorn to the security reviews.

Ranting aside, online dating – despite its many frustrating and time consuming aspects – continues to be a viable way to meet a romantic partner.

Hang in, continue to pursue real life interactions, and take it all with a grain or two of salt on your margarita glass.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

Follow me on Twitter and Facebook @60sdating

May Rant about Dating

blog post angry face for may 7

 

I keep giving guys a break. Perhaps the sparkling wit absent from their written correspondence will manifest in a real life interaction. Maybe they will look better in person than they do in their profile photos. I’m sure the 1-hour geographic distance will be inconsequential if we have chemistry.

Why do I force these issues? I don’t want to be so picky that I never find anyone. I do, however, refuse to compromise on what’s really important to me in a partner…so I only suffer illusions or delusions for a limited timeframe.

There are some guys that don’t deserve even a short break. Lately I’ve been feeling generally annoyed at bad or inappropriate profiles and photos. Swipe with me, click on profiles with me, and you’ll see what I mean. Fuel up first on some baked red snapper.

Examples from my dating files:

The word-less profile:

*A picture of an armed soldier sandwiched between two photos of a guitar-filled wall

*A “shadow” photo – literally a picture of someone’s shadow.

Sapiosexual ad nauseum:

May 7 blog sapiosexual

Mocking education and career:

*Graduated from University of Hard Knocks

*Works at: Director of Everything

Consider joining a religion-focused dating site: 

“I am a man with a fear of God….All I want in a woman is someone….who…has a fear of God too.”

God's Hands

 

Photo misses:

*Ten photos- nine of them are of a woman

*Bondage toys

Silly for silly’s sake:

 

May 7 blog silly 

 

 

 Fetish friendly

May 7 blog fetish

A man with a farm or wild animal 

*Cuddling with a tiger, rubbing noses with a llama (love animals just not these pictures)

LinkedIn not

*His profile reads like a resume or a biography by a historian and sometimes so does his first message:

May 7 blog linkedin 1

Profile example:May 7 blog linkedin 2

Extra credit for cleanliness and good housekeeping

May 7 blog cleanliness

So many more examples…Sigh. Okay, end of rant.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

Last 2016 Rant about Dating

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I’m feeling the holiday blues this week. It’s manageable and I’ll shake it off soon enough…but in the meantime (oops, at first I wrote mantime), it might be therapeutic to do a little ranting.

It’s always good to eat comfort food when you’re ranting. Try this lighter version of macaroni and cheese.

Top Complaints of 2016:

Men who cancel a first date within hours of the designated day/time and only when prompted by an email or text.

The backstory: This happened recently. I hadn’t heard from Mr. D in 3 days so I texted him to confirm our date. Mr. D replied by email to say he needed to cancel because of his work schedule and maybe we could try again after the holidays. Feeling fed up, I decided not to respond and blocked his number. Of course, he was on OurTime at the moment our date was supposed to happen. For whatever reason, he changed his mind about wanting to meet me.

Today I was scrolling through profiles on another site and one of the guys had the same profile word for word as Mr. D. One or both of them is a liar.

Men who swipe Yes on a “swiping app” such as Tinder or Bumble but then delete me right after we match.  

The backstory: I’m pretty sure these are the guys who respond solely to a woman’s photo. My theory is that once we match, they take a closer look, see my age, and unmatch me.

Men who view me daily but never contact me. 

The backstory: What IS this backstory? You tell me. Are they just playing? It’s annoying because you think someone likes you. Really, it’s just teasing. 

Men who view me daily, finally contact me, send an email or two and THEN disappear. Sometimes they start viewing me again months later. 

The backstory: Teasing, just like the guys who never email. These men don’t really want to meet anyone. Perhaps they have been castrated. 

Men whose main photo shows them posing with a gun: 

The backstory: WTF! WTF! I guess they hope to attract female NRA members. 

Men whose main profile pix is with Mom…or the main profile pix is just Mom.    

The backstory: I’m not sure of the message when it’s coming from a 60 year old man. Is he trying to show he has strong family bonds, that he has good genes, that he’s a Mama’s boy? 

Men whose main profile photo is with their children….or the photo is just the kids. 

The backstory: First of all, it’s a bad idea to put photos of your children on a dating site. These men may want to show that you get a “package deal” but you can put that info in a profile. 

Men who excel in the digital tease 

The backstory:

As Jessica Bennett reports in the New York Times, if you date in the digital age you may have encountered a breadcrumber: “They communicate via sporadic noncommittal, but repeated messages — or breadcrumbs — that are just enough to keep you wondering but not enough to seal the deal (whatever that deal may be).”

I went out with a guy like this. One date followed by sporadic emails every 3 weeks, including one to wish me “Happy Thanksgiving, dear.” He’ll probably contact me on Christmas day. I think my reply will be to send him a link to the Times article.

Men with poor hygiene (oral and full body). 

The backstory:

I’ve been ranting about this all year. Nothing new to add but I wanted to note it for the record.

Not knowing whether your gut is right.  

The backstory:

Remember Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice? At first her gut told her to reject Mr. Darcy…. but then she gets new information about him and realizes her gut was wrong and that she loves him.

Sometimes, like Elizabeth, my gut is wrong. However, I believe the old saying that the body doesn’t lie. If you feel something is wrong, it usually is.

Until next week, happy ranting, dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia