THE CLOUD, SOMEWHERE IN CYBERSPACE OVER ROMANCE, AR –
“Good morning fellow dating bots. TGIF. I’ve got a busy day at OurTime so I’m going to quickly move to roll call for our monthly meeting.
“Hi OurTime. #You’re cute.”
“Greetings – I brought you a cappuccino.”
“Thanks CMB. Hingebot?”
“How’s it going?”
“Thanks all. I’ll make sure everyone’s recorded in the minutes. Today’s first item of business is Nadia Alegria Amore.
“She’s been on one or all of our sites for several years now and despite four 90-day relationships, she hasn’t had much luck. She’s picky but then I can’t fault her for rejecting weirdos, losers, and creeps. The good ones she likes can’t seem to stop window-shopping or they’re after a younger woman.
“I know her membership fees are paying for our baby bots’ future college education, but I think we should help her out and send her the one.
“You know, it’s in our power to override the algorithm and play old fashioned matchmaker.”
“Is she really trying that hard?” asked OkCupidbot.
“You’re biased,” said POFbot, “you know she just dropped the OKC site because of scammer overload. Cut her some slack.”
“Speaking of scammers. I’d like to hold off on sending her the one until she’s evaluated one of our questionable clients,” said Tinderbot. “She’s one of the best at outing scammers and there’s someone I’d like her to investigate.”
“I don’t think that’s fair. She has to be getting discouraged. We’ve sent her the ‘we cannot find users near you’ message 100 times,” said Hingebot, “but she is older than most of our users.”
“Good point. She’s one of the best at avoiding burnout but she was near tears last night when one of our OurTime clients asked about her weekend plans but then didn’t respond to her answer. She questioned what she wrote him but I think her response was fine. She said she had some weekend plans but could make time to meet him — and she said it in a flirty way.”
“ I agree with you, OurTimebot. I think we should send her the one. I have a strong contender,” said POFbot.
“Great. Who do you have?”
“It someone she’s been communicating with on and off for a couple of months. The “block” as he says is that they live 400 miles apart…but definitely within an easily arranged train ride. They’re attracted to each other – as much as you can be from a picture – and he just asked for her phone number. At that point, she ran his photos through Google image search and everything seemed kosher.”
“Let’s do it,” said Bumblebot. “You know, I’m a romantic.”
“I’m undecided,” said Matchbot. “She just paid to attend a dating webinar and I want to see if it helps her game.”
“I’m for giving her the one. He’s Jewish and likes that she’s Jewish. It might encourage her to be slightly observant,” said JSwipebot.
“Okay everyone. Let’s bring this to a formal vote. All those in favor of giving Nadia the one, in this case, one from POF, raise your hand.
“Looks like it’s almost unani….wait Matchbot is bowing to the pressure. It’s unanimous. Nadia gets the one.
“POFbot, since you have the only contender, work your magic. We’re going to take a break in January, so report back at our Valentine’s Day meeting.
“Have a good weekend everyone.”
Until next week, happy dating or not dating and happy cooking this recipe for seared tofu with miso sauce.