I’ve Been Revoked: the Debut of a New Dating Term

Blog post bumbled  bus-stop-72171_640

Online dating has brought me some choice experiences. No, that’s not what I’m talking about! Get your mind out of the gutter (at least for the moment). Much to my dismay, I have been ghosted (someone I dated suddenly stopped all contact) and I have interacted with a catfish (a guy who created a false online identity). Now, I have also been ”revoked.”

I am coining this new term based on recent experiences with the Bumble dating app. Bumble is a Tinder-like app where you swipe right if you like someone. If two people like each other, they get a notice that they are a match. What’s different about Bumble is that only the woman can initiate contact. If the woman doesn’t message her “match” in 24 hours, the connection disappears and communication is not possible.

Let’s have some honey cake in honor of being revoked on Bumble.

You ask, what is revoked? It is the delightful experience of corresponding with a guy, setting up a specific date, and having him cancel before the date. Cancellation could be 1 hour before the date, 10 minutes, or 2 days. And yes, these time frames are based on my experiences.

Since a picture is worth a thousand words of a blog post, let me show you a recent exchange with Mr. B.

Bumble message from Mr B for blog

Mr. B. sent this message 2 days before our scheduled date. After some back and forth, our date had been finalized on Saturday – 5 days ahead of time. Surely, one would know the date of a regular monthly poker game, particularly 5 days before it was to occur. And would guys really schedule a poker game for 4 pm, the time of our first meeting/date? I pondered this and wondered why he couldn’t tell the guys he’d be a little late for the game and meet me for an hour. That’s a perfect length for a first date/meeting.

Even before his cancellation, I was a little wary of Mr. B. Like a number of Bumble (and Tinder) profiles, his bio had zero information other than his first name, job info, age, and college – all pulled from Facebook. I asked for his phone number and did a reverse number check to find his full name so I could do a little fact checking beforehand.

Mr. B had a whistle clean Facebook page, pretty much a blank slate. This gave me pause. I pondered some more. I wondered if the reason he was so unavailable when we were trying to schedule a meeting was because he was married or dating around.

To top if off, this was the 3rd time I’d been Revoked on Bumble. I was mad as hell and wasn’t going to take it anymore. Or at least I was going to have some fun.

I decided to blow him off with what I thought was an equally implausible reason to cancel. So I wrote back:

bumble msg from me

Before I wrote this, I made sure there were local pole dancing classes. There are classes and there’s even a pole dancing Meetup. I thought it would be pretty obvious that I was mocking him. Not that taking a pole dancing class lacks credibility but I thought it was such a wild, out of the ordinary excuse that he would know I was making it up.

I was wrong:

bumble msg 3

 

He believed my excuse. Or he really likes the idea of me pole dancing. I didn’t respond to his text about finding a day and time to meet. He followed up two days later and suggested meeting next Tuesday. He’s obviously not in any hurry. (Possible wife or girlfriend? Check.)

I wonder if I agreed to meet, would something else come up? Perhaps a video game night with “the boys.”

I don’t plan to respond to Mr. B. Instead, I think I’ll look for a pole dancing class that meets next Tuesday.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating — or pole dancing.

XXXOOO

Nadia

P.S. I like the concept and application of Bumble despite the Revoked experience. Not sure why this happened 3 times in a row but I think it’s a random issue, not a problem with the app. Readers, if any of you are using Bumble, I’d love to know about your experiences. Listen to Women of Uncertain Age to hear about a Bumble encounter related to ghosting…or not ghosting. You decide.

An Inconvenienced Woman Preps for a To Be Cancelled Date

Blog pix pretty-woman getting ready

It was a beautiful sunny fall day and as I approached Panera, the coffee/shop restaurant where I was meeting Mr. E., my first Tinder date, I decided to sit outside.

I sent Mr. E a text to let him know my location. A few minutes later, my phone rang. It was Mr. E calling about a logistics snafu. His ex- forgot to pick up his son from school to take him to the doctor. Mr. E. needed to reschedule.

“Why don’t I take you to dinner?” he suggested. Although I have broken this rule many times, I don’t usually want to have dinner on a first date-meeting. Who wants to be stuck in a restaurant with someone if there’s no chemistry, connection, or conversation? I prefer going for a drink or coffee. So we agreed to meet a few hours later at a wine bar.

As I was getting ready for our date once again, Mr. E. texted me to say he was tied up and wouldn’t be able to make it. He apologized and said that he and his ex’s co-parenting duties sometimes got switched at the last minute.

So, for the second time that day I changed out of “nice leggings” and a dressy top and put on sweats and a long-sleeved t-shirt. I kicked off my heels, put on beach shoes, and placed my necklace back in the jewelry box. I hung up my small “date” purse and collapsed on my bed.

I got out my iPad, clicked on iTunes, and selected Colbie Caillat’s song Try. Given my day, it was a good song to listen to. I started thinking about what a woman does to prepare for a first date and what a man might do as well.

Too bad an inconvenienced woman can’t send a bill to her cancelled date for her lost time and mental anguish. Why are doctors the only ones who get to do this?

Let me share with you my typical get-ready-for-a-date scenario and ladies, you can let me know if this sounds familiar. My guy readers can comment as well. Let’s multi-task and also have some veggie-heavy frittata.

T minus 48 hours (if the date is planned that far in advance):

  • Get hair touch-up at salon if suffering from excessive root visibility
  • Get manicure (a do-it-yourself manicure should be done the same day as the date)
  • Do laundry if the most likely date outfit is dirty
  • There’s no way to lose 10 pounds but at least get to the gym

T minus 24 hours

  • Print out my date’s profile so I can review before the date. Make list of things to ask about. Highlight potential negatives to be aware of (did he mean to imply he’s been divorced more than twice?)
  • Get to the gym once again
  • Try on a couple of date possibility outfits remembering that guys like red and pink. Resolve to buy more red and pink clothes.

T minus 6 hours

  • Switch purse essentials from everyday bag to date bag
  • Add “extras” to date bag: breath mints, toothpicks, date makeup.
  • Tweeze eyebrows, shave legs, etc.
  • Try on same outfits as yesterday plus another couple of possibilities
  • Put makeup on with extra care
  • Style hair with extra care
  • Hydrate skin with excessive application of pricey perfumed lotion
  • Hydrate lips with super expensive lip balm
  • Review date’s profile and notes from phone calls

T minus 2 hours

  • Touch up makeup
  • Touch up hair
  • Brush teeth, use mouthwash
  • Re-hydrate skin with excessive lotion application
  • Re-hydrate lips with super expensive lip balm
  • Put on fresh underwear (just because)
  • Get dressed
  • Fret about outfit
  • Get undressed
  • Get dressed with 2nd outfit
  • Check date bag to see what I’ve forgotten. Check! Retrieve driver’s license, credit card, and cash and put in date bag
  • Quick look at date’s profile so as not to confuse with other guys “in the running.” Oh God, why do I have CRS?
  • Last minute mirror check
  • Out the door

My date’s imagined first date prep:

T minus 2 hours:

  • Shave
  • Comb hair
  • Brush teeth
  • Put on last pair of clean pants and shirt
  • Quick look at date’s profile
  • Pet the dog; say, “Let’s do this!”
  • Out the door

O.K., my routine might be slightly exaggerated for effect (writer’s prerogative) and not all steps happen every time…but it’s close enough to an essential truth: Women spend a lot of time putting their best face and body forward for men. If only it could be worth it more than 25 percent of the time.

Do you agree?

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia