To Pursue or Be Pursued

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I’ve been thinking a lot about the games of pursuit that men and women play as they meet, date, and connect.

Is a man most interested in a woman when he is the pursuer? Does this hold true for all men in all situations? Is the chase paramount?

Will a woman “ruin it” if she is too proactive in the beginning of a relationship by asking a man out for the first or third date, initiating calls or texts, etc.? Is she somehow “less desirable” because she is demonstrating her desire and availability? Or is she merely reassuring a man who may wonder about her interest?

Let’s ruminate on this while we have some strozzapreti with mushrooms and ricotta.

As usual, there’s a man causing me to obsess over this topic.

It’s Mr. K from last week’s post. To date (no pun intended), we have had two (fairly long) dates, one phone call, and many texts. He has initiated all of these invitations and actions and I am an enthusiastic recipient and participant. He texts me most mornings and sometimes again in the afternoon or evening.

Mr. K took off work for our second (lunch) date. So, I feel that I’m on his mind. And yet, because I obsess, as many women do, I wonder why he hasn’t mentioned getting together again. Is it because he’s currently working on a side job after his regular job? In fact, he worked Saturday. But he said he’s free today and Monday.

I considered being direct about when we might next see each other. Instead I dropped subtle hints during our texting banter. The hints were so subtle or our banter so considered that we were able to glide right over them. In fact, we could beat around the bush indefinitely – completely sustained on innuendo and flirting.

The problem is I’m too impatient. I want to know if he’s one of the ones. I’m not sure yet. How could I be after two dates?

Perhaps it is this uncertainty about Mr. K that keeps me from being more proactive. Or it could be the advice I have gotten or read about over the years that cautions women from being the pursuer too early in a relationship or encounter. Not that I haven’t been proactive or been the pursuer a number of times. But these relationships have been short lived and now I wonder if the “right” guy is the one who is so interested in you that he pursues you.

Can you say obsessive rumination?

So I’d like to crowd source, dear readers, whether I should directly ask him out at this point and whether it is a good idea in general for women to pursue men at the beginning of a possible relationship.

What has been your experience or the experience of your friends? I’d really like to know.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating.

XXXOOO

Nadia

2 thoughts on “To Pursue or Be Pursued

  1. I think about this a lot, and I resent feeling like I have to play this game . . . of acting cool, a bit aloof, waiting for the guy to pursue me. A big part of me thinks if he’s going to be turned off by my showing interest and occasionally being the initiator, then who wants him?

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