Have your single friends ever sighed, downed that last sip of wine, and asked in frustration, “Where are all the God-Fearing men?” Unlikely? I can tell you these men are camped out by my dating profile, in line behind all the other distinctive online dating types. (Side note: I may be easing off the online dating life but I haven’t given this tactic up.)
It may be related to my current jaded perspective but within 5 seconds I can easily characterize a prospective love interest’s “type.” It’s not genomics science. Will you join me in some potato pizza with kale pesto while I share my guide to online dating types and suggested approaches for handling them? These men are scarily similar to real life dating types.
Mr. Hot ‘n Cold
Mr. Hot ‘n Cold can’t seem to decide whether he wants to date. One date never progresses to two. And yet, he keeps viewing you. Or Mr. HNC may have reached out to say he likes you but “you live too far away to date.” Despite this, he keeps looking at your profile. Approach: Ignore.
The Perfect Man
Ivy League Schools. World Traveler. Trophied athlete. Hobnobs with celebrities. Charity events. Grade A physique. Too perfect to be real. You guessed it. Scammer. Approach: If you have proof of scamming/catfishing – report and block.
Short Man in Vegas
These men are half or all the way across the country and do not match you on anything. They write a sweet note and comment appropriately on your profile but there’s no hope of a future here. Approach: Write a nice email saying thanks but no thanks.
OMG: The God-Fearing Man
Nothing in your profile screams religion is an overriding force in your life and yet you may attract men who call themselves God-Fearing, are searching for eternal love, and list the Bible first on a list of things they can’t do without. Perhaps you are just “blessed” with a devout smile. Approach: Ignore.
The Eliterit Eeleterate Illiterate Man
He means well but if your inner editor surfaces every time he writes or says something, this is not the guy for you. Approach: Ignore.
The Hot Rodding Fisherman
Ten photos, 5 of his 1968 Plymouth Road Runner with 426 Street hemi, 5 of him holding a prize Marlin, and one blurry main photo of 6 guys. Approach: Respond if you like cars and fish; ask for another picture.
He’s two scores younger, confident, and hunky. His philosophy: age is not a barrier. Approach: with caution; consider his older brother.
The Depressed Loner
His screen name is Lonelyboy911, he’s shy, and he hasn’t dated in 10 years. Home is a small rural town. Approach: Be kind and thank him for his note but move on.
He’s always online, lets you know right away that sex is very important to him, and even specifies his fetishes. Approach: Avoid, avoid, avoid.
The Picky Man
His profile is 90% about his bad dating experiences, what he doesn’t want, and a list of attributes/interests that are essential to him. Approach: Delete and block.
This one can’t wait to ask how long you have been on a particular dating site. It’s often his first or second question, which is followed by, what has been your experience with dating online, and are you having any luck? Is he worried you are past your shelf life? Or is he suffering from a lack of imagination and these are the only questions he can come up with? Approach: Call him on it. Ask why he is interested in your dating memberships and point out that the important point is that you are online now.
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Until next week, happy dating or not dating.