You Had Me at Hello…or Not

blog clint-eastwood

In the real world, a man’s “pick up line” is often a finely honed work of art. It’s tougher to achieve communication excellence in the online world. There are no virtual pheromones, no scent of cologne or twinkling eyes to help a guy overcome a mediocre pick up line and connect with a woman.

Without the visual, sensual, and physical benefits of an in person encounter, that first introductory email or message takes on extra importance. Dating coaches advise men — and women — to ask about or comment on something in a match’s profile. Instead, I often see clueless men stumbling around when it comes to establishing an online or mobile-based dialogue. Then there are the swoon-worthy guys who can translate their “in the wild” skills to the electronic world.

Let’s have an early Thanksgiving vegetarian lunch of Yotam Ottolenghi’s cauliflower cake while we examine the good, the bad, and the just plain ugly. Note: these are real life introductions from my dating files. Names and identifying details have been changed to protect both the masters and the disasters.

The GOOD:

From a romantic:

You have not filled in your profile, maybe I can help: beautiful cosmopolitan lady seeks dashing handsome and witty man for a life of adventure and joy.

From a charming man who is as tall as me:

You know, if it weren’t that we’d be i 2 i instead of your having to look up a couple of inches (sorry my cowboy heels are still in Montana), I think I’d actually meet many of your criteria!

If you like to wear heels, I don’t really mind looking up at an impressive woman 🙂

From a man with a lot of letters after his name:

You are educated. My sense is that you have substance — rare here!

From a helpful guy:

It appears you love to travel. Need someone to carry your bags? I am fun, smart, driven and people oriented. Smiles.

From a fast mover (this one made me laugh):

Let’s elope

The BAD and/or UGLY:

From a man who struggles with the English language:

I’m just here trying to figure out my other half body to enjoy the rest of my time in life with… i think i like what i read in your profile, most especially your beautiful smile, i’m willing to give it a chance if you give it a go.

From a man who loves to shop:

Hi joe here are you a retail sales person?

From a scary man:

Hi, have you ever had an interest in hypnosis?

From a man who’s up front about what he’s looking for:

Hi there I’m Sam I’m 61 young and am interested in a friend with benefits, l enjoy some your your before mentioned activities. If interested wink me back !

From a man with zero photos posted:

Hi

Your profile looks great but I’d like to see more photos before we start chatting.

Kind Regards,

Will

From a man who believes you can never stop growing:

You look like a brite and eclectic individual. I was wanting to
know, how tall were you before you decided to move to the city?

From a very, very, very shy man:

Would saying hello be ok.

From a man a decade younger than my son:

Heyyy

From a dirty, middle-aged man:

Into mild kink?

From a desperate bad boy:

hey dear I like sexy tall red heads are u up for fun games if your for real I want to meet you soon to get the ball moving

From a man who doesn’t read profiles:

hi, How are you doing,… Please tell me about yourself

I hope these gave you a chuckle. We need all the humor we can find in this crazy dating world.

Until next week, happy dating or not dating and Happy Thanksgiving!

If you have a case of Thanksgiving blahs, see this recent post on the holiday blues. And don’t forget to click the subscribe button to get regular email delivery of Dating, Sex, and Life in your 60s.

XXXOOO

Nadia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 thoughts on “You Had Me at Hello…or Not

    1. I was so tall before I moved that I was able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. The city wore me down. Fortunately I’m “brite and eclectic” and I have been able to overcome my diminished stature. The details of my height shall remain hidden.

      Liked by 1 person

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