Ready, Get Set….Go Date

Dear Readers,

Go grab a salad, some nice cornbread, and let’s talk about getting ready to date – either online or in the real, scary world.

Before we take that first bite and since this is the virgin entry of a brand spanking new blog, I want to say hello to you, my readers. You are, I hope, of a certain age and entering singlehood as a widow or divorcee.

Dating, Sex, and Life in your 60s is geared to women who haven’t been on the dating scene in a while. They may be nervous about taking that first step…. or maybe they leaped into dating but would like support and community.

Dating Prep 101:

If you are still thinking about dating, you might wonder if there’s anything you should do to get ready. For me, getting ready to date was all about being confident. I needed to reverse the lack of confidence instilled by a husband with a mid-life crisis who didn’t love me anymore. I had gained weight and didn’t feel good about myself – a double whammy contributing to a lack of energy. So when my husband left, I embarked on a year- long program to lose weight and gain muscle through physical activity.

After graduating from my in-house spa regimen, I felt ready (or somewhat ready) to put myself out there.

Is there anything — physical or behavioral — holding you back? Is there something you’d like to change that can be changed? I’m embracing lots of flaws I can’t do anything about – or can’t afford to change. At the same time, I’m working on being comfortable in large gatherings and asking for what I want. Take stock and decide if there’s something you want to work on.

Remember, this is all about you and your self-confidence…. It’s not about conforming to an idealized personality or body image. Colbie Caillat expresses the latter so well in her song Try.

The point is — you need to feel good about yourself before you start dating. Not only will a confident woman attract men, she will more likely have the strength to engage in the online dating process – from the initial work of writing her profile and evaluating the profiles of prospects to those sometimes awkward get-acquainted phone calls and first dates.

A woman also needs to be in top form in order to handle rejection and to “roll with it” because everyone gets rejected and everyone rejects. Guys have to learn to deal with rejection on a more regular basis…women may need some practice and a strong heart.

As for your equally important mental state, work on developing your interests, your friendships, and a sense of community. This is particularly important if you are retired or semi-retired like me. Joining a gym or engaging in some type of physical activity with other people can help reduce stress and improve both your mental and physical health. Find a book group or a meetup or two; take an art or dance class. If you still work, go to happy hours with colleagues you like.

A strong social network will enrich your life and is essential to happiness. And a happier you will attract more men – which I’m guessing will make you even happier.

In our next post, I’ll talk about creating an online dating profile – including the types of photos to include.

About Me and a Disclaimer:

I’m a 60-something divorced woman with two adult children who is 5 years out of a very long marriage (if you count separation and divorce). I prefer to remain anonymous* (Nadia Alegria Amore is a pseudonym standing for Hope, Fun, and Love).

I hope this blog stands in for your best friend, your sister, or your mother. That said, I am not a psychologist or sex therapist. When a particular topic calls for it, this blog will include interviews with credentialed experts. As a former journalist, I look forward to interviewing authorities who may be able to help us.

I also want to learn from you and I hope we can help each other navigate the dating world and support each other when we’re feeling down.

Last words:

Stay centered, be happy, have hope. I have lived through some shit storms and can tell you that, eventually, the crap will pass, you will meet someone special or the love of your life, or many loves of your life…and finally smell the roses.

-30-

 

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